Natural Love And New York

Let's avoid one thing henceforth and forever: When discussing gay marriage, let us never let anyone get away with suggesting a lifelong bond between a man and woman is particularly "natural."

It's true. Bonobos share 98 percent of our DNA, and they f like bunnies wish they could f when they're having f-ing contests.

Our closest living relatives are to f-ing what beavers are to building dams--specialists with a passion that looks a lot like pleasure. So, you rarely see our closest genetic relatives in zoos, their cages quickly deteriorate into a non-stop scat-enthusiast free-free-for-all f-fest that traumatizes children and seniors. That's God's Perfect Creature for you, untouched by culture.

These so-called "hippie chimps" reap all sorts of benefits from the practice of nonstop chimp f-ery in lieu of marriage. They don't have wars, they have strong familial bonds, and everybody gets laid.

So from now on, before you point a steely finger of judgment at another person's "naturalness," smell those fingers. Do they smell like the inside of another person? If not, you need to be more natural.


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