From Countdown March 31, 2009.
That‘s next, but first time for COUNTDOWN‘s number two story, tonight‘s worst persons in the world.
The bronze is shared by two men who we will identify in a moment. They believe to stop drug use here, we need to adopt a system used in Singapore. Public man number one says, “now, they have no drug problem in Singapore at all, because, number one, they hang drug dealers. They execute them.”
Number two, “the market is very thin because when they catch you using, you go away with mandatory rehab. The United States does not have the stomach for that.” So public man number two says, “I think it‘s time we get the stomach for that. I would dramatically expand testing. I would try to use rehabilitation. I would make it mandatory. I think we have every right as a country to demand of our citizens that they quit doing illegal things which are funding, both Afghanistan and in Mexico and Colombia, people who are destroying civilization.”
Who are these dangerous men, proposing these socialistic, invasive, totalitarian measures that are used in some other country called Singapore? Who wants to hang drug dealers and mandate drug tests and have federal drug rehab centers? Maybe Barack Obama and Michael Moore? No, Bill O‘Reilly and Newt Gingrich. Bill apparently went to Singapore on one of his tours of the east, if you know what I mean. And that Singapore, which has had one-party rule since 1959, has censorship and doesn‘t have jury trials.
Our runner-up, a two-fer for Bill-O. On his own, no Newt requited. Not happy that a Spanish magistrate is investigating possible indictments on war crimes of six ex-Bush administration officials, led his show with an announcement, right from the files of William Randolph Hearst from 1898, “Spain, insulting the USA.” Well, he knows how to fix that. “So here‘s the deal, Spain. If this”—“so here‘s the deal, Spain: if this action goes forward, you‘ll be insulting American, implying we are the problem in the terror war. Unless this action is condemned by Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero, then I am not going to that country.”
That will show them! The prime minister should issue a one-word statement, gracias. Say, Bill, if we begin an investigation of these six Bushes in the U.S., will you promise not to go here either? As promised, there‘s a Bill-O two-fer. He also reiterated his delusion about the It Happened to Alexa Foundation, where Bill-O was thoroughly criticized for having the gal to address a fund raiser for rape victims, after twice publicly blaming rape victims, then sending a producer to stalk a woman who wrote a blog post about his hypocrisy.
UPS promptly dropped out as an advertiser in protest of Bill-O‘s victimization of Amanda Terkel of ThinkProgress.org. That‘s not how he sees it, of course. “Far left zealots have attacked a rape victim and her family because they asked me to speak at their fund raiser. Democratic operative John Podesta and NBC boss Jeff Zucker allowed underlings to trash the It Happened to Alexa Foundation, causing Alexa Branchini and her family great distress. Well, now we have some good news. A charity has donated 20,000 dollars to help Alexa‘s cause. And Raptor Technologies, which makes computer software, has donated 15,000.
By the way, Mr. Podesta and Mr. Zucker have donated nothing. One other footnote, disappointingly, the UPS Corporation helped Podesta and Zucker in their evil deed. Czech is quite surprised. UPS needs to wise up fast.”
You saw what I did to Spain, UPS. By the way, Jeff Zucker did not make a donation to the It Happened to Alexa Foundation because I did of 25,000. Let‘s see if Bill really cares about the foundation enough to mention that on the air?
But our winner, Congressman John Shimkus, Republican of Illinois, with two fascinating and utterly contradictory statements. A, Congressman Shimkus on why there isn‘t global warming. “Today we have about 388 parts per million of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere. I think in the age of the dinosaurs, when we had most flora and fauna, we were probably at 4,000 parts per million. There‘s a theological debate that this is a carbon-starved planet, not too much carbon.”
Number one, Carbon and Carbon Dioxide are not the same thing. Number two, the only theological debate over how much carbon the plan needs would be taking place in the church of the Labrea Tar Pits. Number three, didn‘t the freaking dinosaurs go extinct? Or do they just have a bad public relations person?
But I‘m digressing. B, Congressman Shimkus on why it doesn‘t matter anyway. “The Earth will end only when God declares it‘s time to be over. A man will not destroy this Earth. This Earth will not be destroyed by a flood. I appreciate having panelists here who are men of faith, and we can get into the theological discourse of that position. But I do believe that God‘s word is infallible, unchanging, perfect.”
So a man pressing a button to start a nuclear war, that would be God‘s infallible word? Why do we bother trying to govern? Can‘t he do something about the budget deficit? By the way, as you hit me over the head with your Bible, Congressman, there ain‘t a word in it about those dinosaurs you mentioned earlier.
Congressman John Shimkus of Illinois, today‘s worst person in the world! Dinosaurs.