August 6, 2009

Grover, since you've always been such a kind and caring (translation: really creepy) American, I thought I'd help you out by further explaining your new talking points on health-care reform:

Over the August recess, Congressmen will be holding townhalls on health care. There’s likely to be a lot of spin and doubletalk from very nervous Democrat members. We’ve assembled a dictionary to help you wade through the rhetoric and understand the real impact of healthcare “reform.”

No discrimination for pre-existing conditions: \prē-ēx-sisting con-df-shun\

One can wait until one gets sick to sign up for coverage, and thereby game the system, costing the rest of us.

Also: n. trick, fraud, ploy

Also: v. cheat, dupe, fleece

Hey, hon, I know you know better than this. We all know the insurance companies have been using harmless conditions like teen acne as an excuse to deny coverage to a 50-year-old. Shame on you, Grover!

No exorbitant out-of-pocket expenses, deductibles or co-pays: \per-sŭn-al ex-pen-sĕs\

You can’t have a health savings account (HSA) even if you

want to keep one. If you want to save money on your premium

by having a high deductible, the government won’t let you

Also: v. coerce, coercion, coerced

Grover, I know HSAs are an element of Republican faith (see Golden Rule) but believe it or not, we have actual studies (done by people who aren't employed by conservative think tanks, so they might be true!) showing people delay needed care because of high deductibles and co-pays - leading to more complicated, serious illness. Not that you care.

No cost-sharing for preventive care: \prē-ven-tĭv kâr\

An unelected and unaccountable government board of bureaucrats will decide what procedures must be first-dollar, even if you don’t value them

See: arbitrary price inflation

Oh Grover, I know that "bubble" elites like yourself just don't understand: Unelected and unaccountable INSURANCE bureaucrats are making those decisions right now - and people are dying as a result.

No dropping of coverage if you become seriously ill:

\ ĭn-shûr-əns kŭv-ər-ĭj\

This only happens in Helen Hunt movies, but Congress will demagogue it anyway to scare us.

See: global warming hysteria, cap-and-trade

Really, Grover? It only happens in Helen Hunt movies? Are you calling a CIGNA VP a liar? Rescission is a well-known insurance industry practice. You know better.

No gender discrimination: \jen-der dee-scrim-in-a-shun\

You’ll be forced to have your tax dollars pay for abortion and other things you disagree with. You’ll also be forced to purchase a plan which covers abortion on demand for all nine months

See: conscience clause

First of all, Grover, for the past eight years, I've had to pay for all kinds of things I disagree with: A trumped-up war, torture, tax breaks for the top one percent... Normally, I'd say, hey, the other guy won and he gets to do what he wants, but I'm pretty sure your guy stole the election with help from the Supreme Court.

And the part about "abortion on demand"? That's an outright lie, and you know it. At this point, it looks like abortion won't be covered at all. But you just don't care, because you'll push any button that works to keep your corporate overlords from losing this fight.

No annual or lifetime caps on coverage: \kăps\

Congress will tell insurance companies how they have to price their coverage and determine risk

See: arbitrary price inflation

You're right on this one, Grover. No more people denied expensive, life-saving cancer treatment because they were also in a bad car accident 20 years earlier. Boo hoo.

Extended coverage for young adults: \əx-stən-dəd kŭv-ər-ĭj\

1.“Children” up to age 30 will be able to stay on their parents’ insurance at taxpayer expense

2. Inculcating the culture of entitlement and preening a generation of welfare-dependents

See: slackers, mom’s basement

Actually, Grover, you may not know this but there's a major unemployment crisis outside that privileged bubble in which you live. Many of these young adults are so desperate to find work and pay their school loans, they're taking minimum wage jobs with no benefits. It would be nice to know that if they get sick, they won't have to die to impress people like you.

Guaranteed insurance renewal so long as premiums are paid: \gâr-ŭn-tēd ĭn-shûr-əns\

Another red herring that Congress will use to scare people into adopting government medicine

Also: scare tactic

See above for "rescission."

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