August 4, 2008

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Many of McCain's Media have grown disenchanted with their BBQ and doughnut buddy over some of his recent tactics and Stephen Colbert agrees that the "Celeb" ad may have backfired in an unintended way. To him, it highlighted a far more attractive potential nominee:

Last week, Senator McCain unveiled a new attack ad called "Celeb". Jim:

[runs snippet of "Celeb" ad; Voiceover: "He's the biggest celebrity in the world. But is he ready to lead?"]

Exactly. Electing a celebrity is something the Republican Party would never do. Now, critics are saying this ad appeals to the lowest common denominator and that it smacks of desperation. The ad even led to a furious phone call from Paris Hilton's grandfather. Apparently, when he heard McCain had made a video with Paris, he assumed the worst.

Yes, the entire media is calling this ad a mistake. For once, they are right. Which brings us to tonight's Wørd. We the People. Folks, this ad is a disaster for the McCain campaign. Sure, it gets its facts right. For instance, the fact that all celebrities are exactly the same. So, clearly there's no difference between Sen. Obama, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.

First, all of them are hounded by the press. They all look great on camera, and all three were professors of Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago. They had very popular classes. And who can forget Paris's stunningly honest memoir, Cash From My Father? So, everything in the ad was true, but it was still a mistake for McCain. Because while I already knew I'd never vote for Barack Obama, I didn't realize how much I'd love to vote for Britney Spears. She would be the perfect Republican nominee.

As the McCain ad proves, she's just as qualified as Barack Obama and she's got the same strong policy positions as John McCain.

[video of Britney Spears: "I think we should just trust our President in every decision that he makes." ]

What a maverick. Of course, they aren't exactly the same; I think Britney knows the difference between Sunnis and Shi'ite. Plus Britney has got the necessary toughness. McCain may have been a prisoner of war for five years, but Britney was a Mouseketeer. Plus, Britney appeals to young people, and southerners and she's very pro-family.

So I say, Republicans, it is not too late to draft Britney. Imagine the thrill at the convention when she accepts your nomination and then tongues Kay Bailey Hutchinson. Sen. McCain, because of your own ad, your only hope is to accept this nomination while wearing an albino snake. If nothing else, it will make you look tan.

And that's The Wørd.

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