May 28, 2015

Who knew there might be a silver lining to The Donald throwing his hat into the ring for 2016?

Stewart: If ‘F*ckface von Clownstick’ Trump Runs in 2016, I Might Not Retire:

Jon Stewart welcomes another slew of Republican candidates to the 2016 race Thursday night. And while George Pataki, Lindsey Graham and Rick Santorum can’t make him change his mind about leaving The Daily Show, a real-life Donald Trump candidacy might just make him scrap his retirement plans and put Trevor Noah out of a job. [...]

While Santorum and Pataki might be showing early signs of promise, Stewart said they would have to work a bit harder to catch up to the “mid-season, mildly racist form” of someone like Carly Fiorina who said the “Chinese can take a test, but what they can’t do is innovate.” Or Lindsey Graham, who said he knows the Iranians are “lying” because he family ran a pool room.

“They’re all very colorful characters, but for me — for me — there can be only one Fuckface von Clownstick,” Stewart said, before playing the clip of Trump saying he knows how to defeat ISIS, but doesn’t want to give it away.

“Not because I don’t have a foolproof plan, I do,” Stewart said as Trump. “But I’m not going to tell you, I’m withholding it for now, because I am a tremendous asshole.”

Stewart went onto have a bit of fun with the Democratic primary as well, and took up for Sen. Bernie Sanders, who the media (and Stewart not long ago, sadly) have been treating like some kind of nut. I was glad to see Stewart change his tune from the bit he did when Sanders first told the media he was going to get in.

But while Republican candidates were already making outrageous statements, the host argued, political pundits were quick to define Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders as being too weird to be taken seriously as a Democratic opponent for Hillary Clinton.

“The problem here isn’t that Bernie Sanders is a crazy-pants cuckoo bird,” Stewart said. “It’s that we’ve all become so accustomed to stage-managed, focus-driven candidates that authenticity comes across as lunacy.”

Unlike the excitable, if “unpolished” senator, he observed, Clinton was surrounded by image consultants who will encourage her to, for example, adopt a Southern accent when appearing in Graham’s home state.

“Listen up, Secretary Clinton — I’ll do the Lindsey Graham impressions around here, thank you very much,” Stewart scoffed.


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