This Is Why Satire Is Dead
Credit: mikecogh
December 14, 2015

Okay, so about a hundred of you sent this to me and since I’ve been busy lately I didn’t have time to look at it to see if you were lying when you said it wasn’t The Onion.

To be honest, I don’t trust you guys all that much.

I still would not bet my best pair of pink boots on this, but for the life of me I cannot find any reason not to believe it – especially since I have been to Woodland, North Carolina, to do politics. I had a couple of fights.

Putting in solar panels failed in Woodland by a vote of city council. They do not believe in abusing the sun in North Carolina. During the public comment section of the meeting, it got interesting.

[Jane Mann] is a retired Northampton science teacher and is concerned that photosynthesis, which depends upon sunlight, would not happen and would keep the plants from growing. She said she has observed areas near solar panels where the plants are brown and dead because they did not get enough sunlight.

That could happen. In fact, I saw it happen myself surrounding a rightwing tea party yard sign just 40 miles away from Woodland.

But Jane ain’t done.

She also questioned the high number of cancer deaths in the area, saying no one could tell her that solar panels didn’t cause cancer.

Yo, Jane! Over here! Look over here. Solar panels don’t cause cancer. You live in tobacco country. People openly smoke in public buildings.

Next comes Bobby Mann, who I suspect is related to Jane.

Bobby Mann said he watched communities dry up when I-95 came along and warned that would happen to Woodland because of the solar farms.

“You’re killing your town,” he said. “All the young people are going to move out.”

He said the solar farms would suck up all the energy from the sun and businesses would not come to Woodland.

Yeah, you know, kinda like windmills use up all the wind.

Yep, those youngsters today just hate solar panels like the damn plague. They will pack their bags and leave the charming city of Woodland, with its vast intellectual and artistic opportunities.

I’ve been keeping score, y’all. The crazies are winning.

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