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Tom Delay, Risen From The Dead

Like a zombie, Tom DeLay has come roaring back to life.
Tom Delay, Risen From The Dead

Tom DeLay, y’all. Bless his heart, being on the take was the only thing he was any good at. His exterminating business went belly up, he drank and caroused through three sessions of the Texas House and then had to resign from Congress.

A jury of his peers found him guilty of campaign finance violations but a friendly Republican judge dismissed the case on a legal technicality.

His one new claim to fame?

One of the most significant fights in Congressman long DeLay’s political career occurred in 1998, when the Majority Whip personally demanded the impeachment of Bill Clinton for lying under oath. The Majority Whip was successful again and for only the second time in U.S. history, Congress impeached the President of the United States. In 2003, Congress elected Congressman DeLay Majority Leader, the second most powerful position in the House.

Tom skips over the part where he put Dennis Hastert in as Speaker because Tom knew there was too much dirt on him personally to run. By the way, Hastert was the only character witness at Tom’s trial. I wonder if Tom returned the favor.

This is about Tom’s fifth attempt (that I know of) to make a living. His book fell flat, his first consulting business never got any clients, he tried to become real estate developer but nobody trusted him, and Dancing With the Stars didn’t exactly make him a movie star.

So now he has Tom DeLay and Associates. It says he’s a founding partner but it doesn’t say who with. I dunno, maybe they’re too embarrassed. It could be the devil because Tom has partnered-up with him many a time.

I glanced around the site because that’s all my digestive system would take, but I never saw anyone else’s name. Only Tom DeLay, no associates. If y’all find anyone else associating with Tom, please let us know.

Now let me get to where I’m going with this.

You remember Texas Republican Congressvarmint Smokey Joe Barton, right? He’s a man so tied to the gas, oil, grease, fracking, and coal business that they call him Smokey.

Smokey has hired Tom to do some damn thing. I have evidence.

My handy pocket calculator says that’s about $34,000 in a month. Honey, he hasn’t made that amount of money since he was on the take with Jack Abramoff.

Honey, if somebody has a website this … well, crappy, would you pay them $23,000 to make you a website? And if you type, this is what you get so it’s not like Tom is some damn expert on websites.

I just thought you’d want to now that Tom DeLay is making a living. I just want to spread the word so his church can expect $3,400 in the collection plate this Sunday.


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