For all of Scott Walker's supposed political savvy, the man still cannot send out a fundraising email that isn't utterly ridiculous. It all started with his infamous Black Friday email, in which he told people to not buy their children Christmas presents but give him the money instead, and just never got any better.
As Walker keeps trying to chip away at the $1.2 million dollar debt his short-lived presidential campaign racked up, he is trying again. This time, he opens up with an unintentional joke:
If there is one thing the American people learned about me during our presidential campaign, it is that I am thrifty.
I like to use coupons, Kohl’s Cash, and shop the sale racks. I am not into the latest fashion -- unless a Packers jacket counts. Most of all, I don’t like waste. This applies to state government and leftover campaign merchandise.
Yeah, he's so thrifty that he was spending more money than he was taking in, including paying his college drop out sons (chips off the old block, that way) $1,500 a month to send out insipid, drunken tweets.
Then, after the introductory joke, Walker makes his sales pitch:
It was brought to my attention that we have a hodgepodge of campaign t-shirts left over. They are collecting dust somewhere and we lack the staff to organize them. I cannot stand to see them go to waste so we will give any supporter who contributes $45 or more to retire our campaign debt a t-shirt as a token of our thanks.
Who wouldn't want a souvenir t-shirt with the purloined logo of America's Best Contacts and Eyeglasses?
Ah, but as with all things Walker, there is a catch:
Due to our lack of resources, we are unable to honor size or color requests.
So the person foolish enough to send in $45 gets something out of the grab bag. What a bargain!
Oh, and if you don't like it, Walker tells you what you can do with it:
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When Matt and Alex were little and fighting over what color cup or toy they wanted, Tonette and I used to tell them “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” and I guess that applies here too.
But Walker also has some helpful suggestions:
In all seriousness, we are so very grateful for your unwavering support and generosity and cannot think of anyone who deserves a t-shirt more … even if it may not fit. In which case, consider it a souvenir of our conservative campaign.
Tonette tells me there are crafty things you can do with t-shirts like framing them or turning them into a pillow or bag. Whether you wear it, store it, frame it, or turn it into something else, you first have to:
Click here for your FREE t-shirt
In other words, the gullible donor isn't just getting something from the grab bag, they might be getting something from the scrap pile! Woo hoo!
When questioned about this by reporter Jessie Opoien of the Cap Times, Walker thought of another angle for his sales pitch:
Asked on Monday what t-shirt craft he would personally recommend, Walker paused.
"Y'know, I don't know," Walker said. "One of my first legislative aides, it was kind of cute, she sent me a picture of, her whole family had t-shirts that they had just ordered the week before September 21. She said, 'these are now collector items.' So hopefully other people think about that, too. Young people, in particular, like retro t-shirts. This is retro, at least six months back."
Retro scraps from the grab bag! What's not to love?
Come to think of it though, that is a lot like how he is running the state - charging people an arm and a leg and giving them crap in return.
And if anyone is wondering, here is a screencap of the email: