August 17, 2016

In a week replete with items like The Trump Führer denouncing the entire U.S. Intelligence gathering service, hiring a Breitbart smear-merchant as his latest campaign Goombah, and worst of all, pushing the manufactured controversy about Hillary Clinton's excellent health, (one more conspiracy to stretch out as long as Benghazi), here comes everybody's favorite mini mob boss and comic relief Trump surrogate, Carl Paladino.

Paladino appeared on the Alan Colmes Versus set and boy, did he live up to his reputation. Paladino was made into minced meat last Saturday when Joy Reid put a stop to his Putin fanboy fawning. His boss, Herr Drümpf, often swoons over the 'better and more respected' autocratic leader. Paladino seems to have put on the back burner one small concern: this Russian autocrat likely has a lot more nasty and dirty entanglements with the Holy Yam of Trumpian Terror than we can even imagine, and he'd sooner die before releasing those incriminating-as-heck tax returns.

COLMES: You actually said they're communicating with terrorist individuals and organizations have accused the Khans of doing that. DO you have any evidence of that?

PALADINO: There's plenty who say, on the internet, (Does he mean Alex Jones?) to that, to that effect, but I think most clearly dealing with the Saudis who I, who I feel ,the 28 pages pretty well explains the Saudis. (he means the redacted 911 pages, which we'd all like to see)

COLMES: WHAT does that have to do with the contract?

PALADINO: *stammering* that he he represented Saudi Arabia. Ok he, he has an attorney with an immigration attorney this representative of the government. She represented the the Saudi oil interests....

Paladino managed to assert that Khizr Khan's lawyers are also Hillary's. That's a new one. Alan couldn't find the evidence for that claim either, but we do learn that Carl, like his boss, has no idea which countries are considered America's Allies. Colmes spills the beans that the Saudis have been ALLIES of the United States. This was news to Carl.

PALADINO Oh really? (sounded pretty genuine)

One might think at this point, 'If Trump surrogates make good money without knowledge of basic civics as one of the key job requirements... ' Nevermind. What's the point?

Alan tried in vain to explain the difference between fundamentalist terrorism carried out erroneously in the name of Islam and a sovereign nation (S.Arabia) that just happened to be VERY friendly with Bush/Cheney fifteen years ago. It's a herculean task, but more precisely, it's a fool's errand.

Thank the comedy gods, Carl is an official representative of the campaign, so we are privy to his 'thoughts,' and more interviews like this are in our future.

COLMES: You don't like his message, you don't believe what he's saying is accurate. Does that make him a terrorist sympathizer?

PALADINO: if, if a man chooses to to advocate against Mr. Trump and this whole Islamists thing with it because it

COLMES: that makes him automatically in the league with terrorists?

PALADINO: Obviously he's in league with them if he's advocating for them.

COLMES how is the advocating for the terrorists simply by saying I don't think there should be a religious test for people entering the country?

I don't think he ever heard of the phraseology "A Religious Test," or its meaning. :-(

PALADINO: that's what I think that Trump's and all I think the test is, (got it?) that yes, this group of people are responsible for every terrorist activity in America.

Colmes quickly bats away that Muslim-only fallacy with examples of non-Islamic domestic terrorism, as Ol' Carl forgot OKC in 1995, Ruby Ridge, far too many mass shootings by white guys, and so on and so forth. .

I'm amazed, so I must reiterate: Paladino misconstrued the very plain and clear language of our Founding Fathers. Paladino has no clue what a 'Religious Test,' is or the context in which it was written. He likely thinks it requires a #2 pencil and a couple Hail Marys. Later in the interview, Paladino conflates the Muslim Religion with a 'culture.' He solidified my hypothesis that he is "a idiot". This is a stunning and embarrassing time for our country.

It's getting really hard to keep up with the campaign's serial gaffes. Bottom line, Paladino doesn't believe in no stinkin' polls. Period. Big League. Polls are terrible, they're bad. Case closed.

COLMES: You're telling me that Donald Trump is winning?

PALADINO: Donald Trump right now is winning, yeah

COLMES: Where is he winning?

COLMES: So these polls mean nothing. He's losing in Ohio. He's losing in Michigan. He's losing in Pennsylvania.

Carl thinks of a simplistic strategy to deny all this factual polling nonsense. IT'S PRICELESS! (Actually it's frugal: as it saves psychiatric therapy expenses!)

PALADINO: Stop listening, Stop reading, you're reading any editorial page

COLMES: This is not from the editorial page, these are from The New York Times, The Washington Post,

PALADINO: Your best friends in the world. You have to get objective, Alan.

Yes, objective, just like the fact-denying, joke of a campaign Carl Paladino is proudly representing. We have officially entered the outskirts of the Parallel Universe.

Please, do not confuse the Republicans' (yes, Trump supporters are Republicans) utter lack of cognitive ability with weakness. Paladino predicts a Drumpenfuhrer victory by a margin of 54-46. If he is correct, and he really can't be, for humanity's sake, the moment you see that number is the beginning of Michele Bachmann's End of Days.

PS. I thought I'd heard everything crazy in this campaign, but the disavowal of our intelligence capabilities as inaccurate and not useful for his purposes still has my jaw on the floor. Well, I guess Putin's modern day KGB will suffice nicely. (REASON #11,899 to GO OUT AND VOTE.)


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