September 9, 2016

Once again, we have to rely on comedians to do the job that our so-called "news" media should be doing. Stephen Colbert took apart the Pam Bondi/ Trump University pay-to-play scandal on this Thursday's Late Show as only he can.

Rough transcript:

Colbert: hey, let me ask you folks here. Any of you guys go to Trump University? One guy? Okay. Hi. You'll never forget those memories. You really shouldn't forget them because they'll come in handy when the lawsuit comes.

Now, a couple years back, Trump U was being investigated for fraud. There were so many complaints from former students that even florida was considering an investigation, and their state seal is someone dumping a body. True story. It's true. We didn't make that up. That's true.

But Florida’s Attorney General and stepmom who can't understand why you don't warm up to her, Pam Bondi, decided not to investigate Trump U. Now nobody knows why, but now it's come out that, right before she made the decision, a PAC supporting her campaign received "a $25,000 gift from the Donald J. Trump Foundation."

Yeah, yeah, same guy. now, Attorney General Bondi has denied that her office's decision not to join the lawsuit against Trump University had anything to do with the money. and I'm sure it also had nothing to do with the fact that Trump held a fundraiser for her right after she dropped the investigation.

So one thing's for sure, Pam Bondi is the first person ever to make money from Trump University. Now, I don't know — other than Donald Trump, other than Donald Trump. Now, I don't know Attorney General Bondi. I don't know if she has questionable ethics, so i Googled her and found this old article: "Pam Bondi stole my dog."

Okay! That seems bad. but let's hear whole story. Apparently, after Hurricane Katrina, the Humane Society rescued hundreds of dogs, and Bondi adopted one of them in Florida. Oh yeah, there's more to the story. Because a year later, the family that originally owned the dog traced it to the Tampa Bay area, but Bondi didn't want to give up the dog up, which led to a 16-month fight with a family of Katrina victims. But hey, everyone hates Katrina victims, right?

Perhaps the worst detail for Bondi in this case that she changed the St. Bernard's name to Noah, from Master Tank. That dog had the greatest name in the world and you changed it? Seriously, what sounds better, "Time for dinner, Noah!" Or "The meat-feast is arrayed before you, Master Tank. Take what is yours”.?

I just want to point out, refusing to give back a dog to flood victims but naming the dog after the most famous flood victim of all time is just cold. "Hi, I’m Pam, this is my daughter Kidnap."

Now, Bondi did eventually surrender the dog. That family must have made a huge contribution. I don't know. But let's get back, let's go back to the other shaggy beast, Donald Trump. He said "yeah, I cut the check, but it's only because I like Bondi so much. I’m not the kind of guy who expects favors in exchange for political donations."

Which makes me wonder, then who's this guy?

TRUMP: I give to everybody. When they call, I give. And you know what? When I need something from them two years later, three years later, I call them, they are there for me, and that's the broken system. Well, I’ll tell you what, with Hillary Clinton, I said, "Be at my wedding," and she came to my wedding. y\You know why? She had no choice, because I gave. I’ve given to everybody, because that was my job. I got to give to them, when I want something, I get it. when i call, they kiss my ass, okay? It's true. They kiss my ass.

COLBERT: That's a disturbing admission, partly because of its overt embrace of corruption but mostly because it makes us imagine the texture of Donald Trump's ass. My best guess is either cold pizza or bumpy decorative gourd.

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