February 12, 2017

Concert pianist/industrialist Patrick Park REALLY loves the musical "The Sound of Music." By his own reckoning, he's seen the Julie Andrews-led movie seventy-five times.

And it's always been a dream of his to live in the Von Trapp home. Apparently, visiting their resort in Vermont, where they landed--and their descendants still live- after escaping the Nazi persecution was not as impressive.

But now, thanks to Trump, Park is going to be able to realize his dream. If a slightly vague handwritten letter is to be believed, that is:

Park has received unofficial word from President Donald Trump — well, as unofficial as a handwritten note saying “on to your next chapter, Ambassador!” can be — that he is the president’s choice to be U.S. ambassador to Austria.

The president said he thought it would be a good match for Park because it is steeped in musical culture.

If not actually living in the Von Trapp home (which is owned by a religious order after Himmler used it as a summer home during WWII and is now a slightly outdated and funky hotel), he could at least live nearby. Actually, the Von Trapp family lived in Salzburg and the US Embassy is in Vienna, but you know, it's closer than fricking Palm Beach, Florida, right?

And if the standard by which Trump picks ambassadorships is that Austria is "steeped in musical culture," to nominate someone with zero diplomatic experience, there must be other potential ambassadorships to be had.

For example, I've seen every "Flight of the Conchords" episode, own their CDs, seen them in concert. Naturally, that makes me perfect for the ambassadorship to New Zealand. I'll even throw my multiple viewings of the LOTR franchises in for free.

And after her Tony-winning turn as Evita on Broadway, Patti LuPone would be a wonderful ambassador to Argentina.

Perhaps the hot "flavor of the moment" Lin-Manuel Miranda can parlay the incredible research he did to write "Hamilton" to become ambassador to the Netherlands (since Hamilton was born on the Dutch colony of Nevis in the Carribbean).

Actress Anne Hathaway won an Oscar for her portrayal of a tubercular Fantine in "Les Miserables." Clearly, to the Republican Party, the French are all 'miserable,' so let's make her the French ambassador. She annoys people in this country anyway.

Former congressman Aaron Schock is a HUGE fan of "Downtown Abbey," going so far as to decorate his offices to emulate the grand parlors. Perhaps he should be considered ambassador to the UK (that is, after his trial for misusing government funds for personal benefit is over--but that's not something that should bother the Trump administration, amirite?)

The possibilities are endless!

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