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Jay Sekulow Calls The Waaaaahmbulance For Trump

Yeah, let's all feel bad for poor, beleaguered Donald John Trump. Boo f*cking hoo.

Jay Sekulow, Donald Trump's personal attorney, got up to address the Senate in his first chance to rebut three days of brutal, devastating legal maneuvering by the House Managers against his client. And you know what he did?

He asked the Senate and the American people to put BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm sorry. Let me try again. He asked us to put ourselPWAAHAHAHAHEEEHAHAHAHAOHMYGODHAHA

*cough*

Okay. Maybe I can get through it this time. He asked us to put ourselves in TruMPFFFFEWHHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOOMMSHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEEEFFFPPPPPTPFFFHTHAHAHAHA
I AM SO SORRY here just read the transcript...

SEKULOW: Mr. Chief Justice, Majority Meader McConnell, Democratic Leader Schumer, House Managers, Members of the Senate. Let me begin by saying you cannot simply decide this case in a vacuum. Mr. Schiff said yesterday, I believe it was his father who said, you should put yourself in someone else's shoes. Let's for a moment put ourselves in the shoes of the president of the United States right now. Before he was sworn into office, he was subjected to an investigation by the Federal Bureau of Investigation called Crossfire Hurricane. The president, within six months of his inauguration, found a Special Counsel being appointed to investigate a Russia collusion theory.

I think I'm okay now. I gotta say, most of us knew the White House defense would be filled with Right Wing Nut Job tin foil hat-wearing drooling conspiracy theory bullsh*t. So Crowdstrike appearing in the first 30 seconds of his presentation was no surprise. Honestly, though, I did NOT see the "Try a Little Tenderness" angle coming. Put ourselves in Trump's shoes? Imagine how it felt to be subjected to an FBI investigation?

*stares in Hillary Clinton*

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