In a ceremony that probably involved calf's blood and shark teeth (and that's just what the groom wore on his face) Stephen Miller took a bride.
In related news, deserts everywhere report an unusual absence of scorpions and DC hospitals stock up on antidotes for poison.
Twitter rejoiced at news of the nuptials, and by "rejoiced," I mean threw up in its collective mouth.
Reactions ranged from the vicious puns:
the @nytimes did a whole article about Stephen Miller's wedding without mentioning that he's a white nationalist, which is journalistic malpractice and a gentle massage for a genocidal ideology, but also misses the opportunity for a "NICE DAY FOR A WHITES-ONLY WEDDING" headline
— AntiFash Gordon (@AntiFashGordon) February 17, 2020
I'm guessing that Stephen Miller's wedding was a white hood affair?
— Michelle (@RageMichelle) February 17, 2020
to the snarky snark:
And if you are Stephen Miller's wedding planner do you put Seb Gorka at the incel table or fired White House advisors table? So many difficult decisions.
— Jeremy Newberger (@jeremynewberger) February 17, 2020
So did Stephen Miller do the Exorcist spider walk at his wedding for the first dance?
— Ashlie Weeks (@ashlie_weeks) February 17, 2020
to the serious:
Stephen Miller is a white nationalist who has helped Trump concoct and execute violent racist and xenophobic policies.
The New York Times just ran an announcement of Miller's wedding as though he's an esteemed statesman.
This is how the mainstream media supports fascism.
— saira rao (@sairasameerarao) February 17, 2020
What kind of a woman will marry an avowed bigot & architect of the cruel migrant children separation policy? Human scum Katie Waldman who defended the policy of child separation, & once described desperate asylum seekers as "violent mobs". https://t.co/WNaTbdaQQA
— Sol (@forwardarc) February 17, 2020
to the flat-out-f*ck-it KKK/Nazi tweets:
Stephen Miller's wedding cake pic.twitter.com/FNEecaeqvp
— PĐazzle #FuckTheGOP (@pdazzleliscious) February 17, 2020
Guests arriving at Trump Hotel for Stephen Miller's wedding. pic.twitter.com/FZWCbzQNnL
— WeWearTheMask (@naanders) February 17, 2020
EXCLUSIVE! Stephen Miller wedding pics! pic.twitter.com/19ZqPtvmjH
— M (@MelanieMoore) February 17, 2020
— Fredon Moniteau (@FMoniteau) February 17, 2020
to my faves: the nostalgic old romantic movie feel.
Official photos from Stephen Miller wedding. The groom. https://t.co/B9Gumb3nNZ
— Comfortably Numb (@YGalanter) February 17, 2020
Footage of Stephen Miller emerging for his wedding pic.twitter.com/Nt3B8dZC7r
— NaCl (@tweedledum72) February 17, 2020
Well let’s check in on the Stephen Miller wedding pic.twitter.com/9JOwU8G6TF
— Michael Tisserand (@m_tisserand) February 17, 2020
Stephen Miller's penis being released on his wedding night pic.twitter.com/RzWsjUNpsp
— Blockhead (@BlockheadNYC) February 17, 2020
Apologies about that last tweet, but honestly, it was either that one about the boner TRUMP got once he saw how much he was profiting off the wedding his minions held at his hotel.