March 25, 2020

Seth Meyers is one of many late-night comics performing their monologues and interviews from the confines of their homes during this pandemic. Though the above video is a couple of days old, its points are, and will be, sadly evergreen. In it, Myers compares Donald Trump to the dumbest Price Is Right contestant in history, with his bullsh*t prediction that the 15 COVID-19 cases would soon be "close to zero," game show sound effects and all.

He ripped Trump for ignoring "ominous" classified intelligence as far back as January about the spread of the new coronavirus, interrupting the briefings to ask questions about — get this — the availability of new vaping flavors.

MEYERS: So, either he knew about it the whole time, and lied, or he wasn't paying attention during his briefings, and honestly, both — both are probably true. Donald Trump cannot stand when someone else is talking in a meeting. I mean, look at him. He literally looks down at the table and hugs himself like he's hoping it's all a dream. Pretty soon he's gonna start going to meetings wearing a, I don't know, a Thundershirt?

Switching to the few positives that have been cause for occasional cheer while one-third of the country is on lock-down, Meyers questioned why we found Steve Martin playing the banjo in the woods such a pleasure.

MEYERS: You know things are bad when the sound of someone playing the banjo in the woods is comforting. Usually that's when you run back to the camper and head for the city. I will say, "Deliverance" would have been a whole, entirely different movie if it had been Steve Martin, instead of that weird kid.

I won't ruin his take on traffic in New York for you, but as a Born and Bred Brooklynite, I can confirm and concur. Meyers then takes time expressing his appreciation for the badassery of New York's Governor Andrew Cuomo. Young people? You are wrong. (About what, Dad? EVERYTHING, Son.)

After ripping on Rand Paul's knowingly potentially spreading COVID-19 all over the damn Senate, and also his unfortunate hair, Meyers moved on to Trump's grotesque and sarcastic reaction to learning that Senator Mitt Romney was self-quarantining (and his denial when called on it.)

MEYERS: No, no? So that wasn't sarcasm? So, you're genuinely, genuinely concerned about Romney's well-being? Did you also send him a get well card that said, "Ooooo, you're sick??? I'm sooooooo soooorry!" I mean it's just a reminder that Donald Trump never passes up an opportunity to remind us that he is an awful person. Even in the midst of a global pandemic. It's almost like he's afraid we'll forget. Like he's worried that if he's too focused on solving the crisis, people won't remember he's the same asshole who once tweeted, "I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke."

Trump, of course, needn't worry we'll forget. He proves it to us multiple times a day, and reinforces that the term "deplorables" was even perhaps a bit too kind to describe his supporters. They're enablers. They're conspirators. They're complicit. He wouldn't have it any other way, and that is why we are in this mess.

MEYERS: Instead of facing the stark truth, Trump demands constant praise and flattery. In fact, at one point last week, a reporter simply tried to ask Trump about the very real, urgent concerns faced by health care professionals on the front lines about the lack of medical equipment, like masks and ventilators....

(video clip)
REPORTER: I just want to read you what some of the doctors on the front lines of this crisis are saying--

TRUMP: You mean the ones that are saying good things, or bad things?
(end video clip)

I assure you, no one who is saying good things is a medical professional....Seriously, why are you like this? Why do you have the emotional maturity of a middle school student passing a note in class that says, "Do you like me? Check 'Yes' or 'Yes.'"

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