Why Trump Originally Chose Easter To Kill Us, Er, Open Up The Economy
Credit: Screengrab
March 30, 2020

Noted serial-adulterer, grifter, and tax cheat, and scam university provost Lord Damp Nut is a very pious man. We learned that he was deeply moved by his fellow grifters, er, evangelicals who were preaching to empty megachurches. And when the traditional White House Easter Egg Roll —you know the one where he tells the toddlers how great he is and how the economy is booming— was cancelled, well it was just a bridge too far.


Trump’s impatience to get everyone back to work set in almost immediately after he urged everyone to stay home—touched off as he watched a sermon delivered by a prominent evangelical preacher to an empty megachurch. It gained momentum as Trump listened to advice from conservative economists who warned of near-apocalyptic financial damage, a view reinforced by a free-fall in markets. And it coalesced around a single day, among the most sacred in the Christian calendar—Easter Sunday, April 12—for reasons more symbolic than scientific after a key meeting headed by Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner just four days after the stay-at-home advice.

So, you see, choosing Easter as the target date was, um, more optics and not for any real reason…

OK, maybe competition.

Anyway, we discover an escape clause in the usual GOP litmus test: Life begins at conception, but ends when the stock market craters by 20%. Save the fetus and kill Grandpa!

UPDATE 1: Lord Damp Nut’s palace-o-grift, DC, hotel is already advertising its overpriced Easter brunch.

Posted with permission from Mock Paper Scissors

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