The Latest Matt Gaetz Bombshell Will Shock You!
March 31, 2021

Republican Congressional frontman Matt Gaetz and an undisclosed partner may have blown today's news cycle out of the bathwater, as a rep for the Congressman (in an exclusive to Crooks and Liars) confirmed that he is pregnant.

Gaetz has had a difficult few days as accusations of his alleged child trafficking have been published. Word of his pregnancy seemed designed to overshadow reports that he paid for a 17-year-old's travel across state lines for immoral purposes.

To ensure that the news cycle would be completely pwned, Gaetz's representative also announced that his progeny would seek the Republican nomination for President in 2024.

"We are very blessed and excited to announce the newest addition to the 2024 presidential lineup is Matt Gaetz's unborn baby! Baby Gaetz will seek the Republican presidential nomination in 2024," said a Baby Gaetz 2024 SuperPAC official, who declined to be named.

Crooks and Liars was able to obtain a strip of ultrasound photos showing primary candidate "Baby Gaetz" as a real live MAGA/Qanon fetus.


Asked if delivering a full-term baby who just happens to be grasping a Confederate flag in utero would present any problems, Republican "doctor" and social scientist who knows how to read a medical report Peter Navarro said such deliveries were common among Republican Congressmen.

"It just comes out, and there's nothing anyone can do about it," said Navarro. "You know, the Founding Fathers gave birth to flag babies all the time! We think this puts us in a great position with New Hampshire Republicans."

While a male giving birth sounds terribly painful, Navarro was sanguine. "I've got all this hydroxychloroquine and I'm sure a mega-dose will be enough to knock Matt out," said Navarro. "Really, he should just lie back and leave the delivery to the experts."

At the "Stop The Steal"-themed baby shower, attendee Louie Gohmert said between bites of cake that he considered Baby Gaetz the future of the Republican Party.


On MTP Daily, Chuck Todd agreed: "Cuteness, distraction, and plausible deniability will make for an exciting primary season, and may just give Joe Biden a serious challenge in 2024."

Given that the unborn Gaetz is confirmed to be white, male, and 'newsworthy', "Baby Gaetz for President 2024" already has a verified account on Twitter.


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