'When Babies Get Jobs They Can Have Stimulus Money!' Said No Rational Human Ever

By Red Painter — March 14, 2021

Catherine Rampell's column in the Washington Post about the long term positive effects of the American Rescue Plan on the country's most vulnerable — children — REALLY pissed readers off. From blaming the parents for their own bad choices, to insinuating that not all kids need help, it was shocking to see the hate being thrown at innocent kids. But one reader really took the cake:

Reader responds to my column praising child allowances: babies and children "have NOT worked a day in their lives," therefore are undeserving of government investment #readermail pic.twitter.com/vfGqFiyDf3

— Catherine Rampell (@crampell) March 13, 2021

Yes, because kids have never worked (because THEY ARE KIDS), they do not need stimulus money. Obviously, not working means they do not need shelter, clothing, food or medical care. They are immune from those needs. Or their parents can simply write it off and say "sorry, they don't work...they are free."

Naturally, Twitter had a field day.

for too long lazy babies have been suckling the government teat. time to pull themselves up by their adorably tiny baby bootstraps

— Catherine Rampell (@crampell) March 13, 2021

Babies are notoriously unwilling to pull their weight

— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) March 13, 2021

Get a JOB, you stupid baby pic.twitter.com/8nohVykcCV

— Julia Ioffe (@juliaioffe) March 13, 2021

“Abandon babies to pull themselves up bu the bootstraps and only help them when they’re hardened seniors” is certainly a hot take.

— Veronika Bondarenko (@veronikabond) March 13, 2021

My five-year-old did once threaten, ‘Feed me now or I’ll never move out of this house!’ which made the value of investing in our children pretty clear to me.

— Matt Kelly (@compliancememe) March 13, 2021

It's about time people recognized that babies are nothing but slackers who contribute nothing to society! /s

Except this. This is worth any amount of compensation. pic.twitter.com/rrazwthaHA

— Lib "Shamelessly Pessimistic" Nord (@LibbynOrd) March 13, 2021

Why do I predict this person is also pro-life and does not see the irony at all in writing what they did about children.... 🤦‍♀️🙄

— Penny - Made it to Jan. 20!🙌🏼 (@pmacgmorris) March 13, 2021

Funny, I feel the same way about US corporations that got tax cut benefits but don’t pay any federal taxes.

We all have to deal with disappointment.

— Barry Spiegel (@bspiegel2) March 13, 2021

I can attest that my freeloading 10 month old has not contributed enough to the enrichment of billionaires. As such, he is unworthy of everyone's tax dollars. I will be sending all of his stimulus/relief money directly into the hands of the RNC like a real American.

— Dante (@GhostofMarino) March 13, 2021

On the other hand, babies' gross domestic product is quite impressive.

— NC Vates (@NCVates) March 13, 2021

Exactly. Just eating & pooping machines. *shakes fist and yells at infant* “when are you going to get a job?!”

— Liz BeyBey 🍁 (@liz_beybey) March 13, 2021

They always seem to disappear when it's their turn to buy a round of drinks.

— Iain R. Walker (@landocleve) March 13, 2021

Get it together, babies. We cannot support you forever. 5, 6 years tops. Then it's time to get to the factory for those 9 hour days. Wait, we outlawed that decades ago. Sorry Mr. Getoffmylawn Republican "Pro"-Lifer Who Hates Kids.