May 3, 2021

Just set everything in your hand down and watch this glorious four-and-a-half minute point-by-point takedown of Tucker "Tuckums " Carlson by the glorious and formidable Joy Ann Reid. Nothing is left of him when she's done -- from his rejection by the CIA to his failed career at CNN and MSNBC to his Dan White Society membership.

This is how it's done when a white supremacist bully comes to town. Hand it right back on a silver platter while shoving his face in it.

We also appreciate the shoutout!

Full transcript below. Enjoy!

So just for the record, I don't spend a lot of time watching Fox news or the BS factory as CNN's Jim Acosta colorfully dubbed them this weekend. I like my news and information to be grounded in reality, rather than monetizing my amygdala to keep me on edge and buying MyPillows and gold. However, according to Media Matters, The Root, Crooks and Liars, and others who watch Fox News so you don't have to, at least three times in last month tucker carlson took time off from badgering strangers in parks and bouncy houses to demand they show him their children's unmasked faces, to refer to moi as the race lady. The race lady. Why would he call me that? I mean, I used to run track in high school but I'm not that fast. What else could it be? Hmm.


Did he say whitey? Oh, honey, Tuckums, is this really about me or is it about you fixating on race? I mean when you recently went off on me for continuing to mask up post-vaccine jogging in crowded central park, you weirdly weirdly threw in my attending Harvard. Now I don't know, maybe I'm sensitive to this stuff but it felt like kind of like a dog whistle. Did you want to go to Harvard? Did they reject you? And you think, oh yeah they let the race lady in, affirmative action, ugh.

Well, let me cheer you up, okay? I got into Harvard, Yale, Vassar and University of Denver too because I had A really high GPA and fantastic SAT Scores and that's how affirmative action works, love. Schools search for smart people from diverse backgrounds so these schools won't be as dry as the major sports leagues were before they desegregated. See?

Maybe you didn't have great grades and great test scores and you needed your girlfriend's daddy to help you get into college, doesn't mean you don't have amazing people in your life who love you. I mean, you had all that Swanson money, right? Fish sticks for everybody! And you had fun at trinity after you got bought in right? By the way, what was the Dan White society? You know what, moving on.

Just because the CIA rejected your application, I mean look, things turned out fine for you. Had a great career here at MSNBC -- actually that didn't work out. Great on CNN though, until Jon Stewart humiliated you. but it's fine. But you're fine. Things are going great for you.

But back to the whole race thing, i'm not one who spools out over my neighborhood changing like I'm some segregationist housewife from the 1950s. That would be you, Tuckums. And I'm not the one spouting a conspiracy theory that white people will be replaced by Democratic party conspiracy to import nonwhite people to outnumber them, a theory that was also mouthed by the Charlottesville tiki torch nazis. That would also be you!

The reason I continue to mask up in crowded spaces is because I don't know how many people in those crowds I'm jogging around heard about the court case where your bosses said your show wasn't news. They listen to you like you are the news and I don't trust that people who listen to you, Tuckums, are taking precautions against covid rather than freaking out about a piece of cloth and busting into the Target to cough on the cereal boxes like they're 17th century colonizers touting measles blankets with them.

People like you and your friends and the BS factory are keeping us steeped in covid sickness and rage and paranoia, and the ways in which you, Li'l Tucker are making America worse are why I will continue to keep my mask on in a crowd.

And we'll have more on your endless-covid hell, the endless-covid hell that the Tuckers of our country who, by the way, are the absolute worst, are helping to create.


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