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Here's What It Would Sound Like If Megachurches Were Honest

There's nothing quite like claiming your tax-free, multi-million dollar enterprise is inspired by an intentionally homeless, apolitical, friend of prostitutes who told religious leaders to pay their dang taxes.

Via Friendly Atheist, the clip opens with a pastor explaining how the first Christian churches were mostly "small quiet gatherings of ethnically and culturally diverse believers committed to loving their God and their neighbors, even when those same neighbors might persecute them for their beliefs."

"But they were a bunch of dumb idiots. That was 2000 years ago, and it's time for American mega churches to put the sex back in religious sectionalism.

"My name is Brother Roger Horton, and I'm an elder at the holy non-denominational Happy Jesus House,
a hundred-foot tall metal idol to capitalism and, I guess, Jesus. Our doors are open to everybody, as long at there's not an ongoing national emergency!"

It goes on.

"You're gonna love our rock band --oh sorry, praise team confronted by failed musicians all of our music is inspired by love, God and U2's Joshua Tree. And don't worry about not knowing the words, there're only about 11 per song and we'll sing them over and over and over again until they feel profound. 'Jesus your love is like water/Love is like water/ Blood is like water/ And maybe a tree."

"And if by some divine miracle, you still can't figure out the lyrics, we'll display them at all times on billion megawatt projector screens overlaid with the image of a torture device ancient Romans used to kill criminals. And now, here's some stock footage of racially diverse people singing and clapping because we want you to believe our church might have an Asian guy in it somewhere."

Do watch the whole thing.

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