December 5, 2009

Glenn Beck's been promoting the crap out of his crappy Christmas book "so popular we decided to make it into an unwatchable two-hour ego trip stage show", The Christmas Sweater. We even have some samples of the stage show, as well as his trailer for the movie, in which, as always, the eyes of Glenn Beck are upon. If that doesn't curdle yer eggnog, nothing will.

Anyway, it seems Glenn's show is quite the flop, at least in the cities. Now, I bet it would do gangbusters in places like Orem, Utah. So mebbe he should take it there.

But I think there's a misunderstanding as to why Beck calls it The Christmas Sweater. A lot of people think it's referring to some item of clothing frequently discussed in Beck's incredibly banal story. It's not.

Joseph Childers at TrueSlant went to one of these events, and reported back with a handy guide to it all. He discusses an aspect of the performance I've been hearing about from others who've seen it:

2. How Can One Man Expel That Much Liquid From His Body?

If Barney Frank and Michael Moore ran a marathon train session on Rush Limbaugh, I doubt it would produce the amount of sweat Glenn Beck expels in five minutes. Not even counting the words coming out of his mouth, I’m amazed at the amount of disgusting stuff that exits this guy’s body on stage. Spittle, sweat, and tears ooze of out of him constantly; I think I counted four shirt changes in an hour and a half. Nipples, shoulders, neck, stomach: every part of Beck’s body is a soldier in his sweat army. I was in constant awe at Beck’s inability to stay even moderately dry for more than two minutes, and my perpetual scanning for new leaks to spring probably meant I missed some gems of wisdom to share with you, and for that, reader, I apologize.

See, you thought "the Christmas sweater" referred to a crappy gift Beck got once. Nuh-uh. The Christmas sweater is the guy up on stage.

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