Steve Stockman Not Missing. It’s A Giant Media Conspiracy!
Credit: Flickr
January 27, 2014

Steve Stockman says he was never missing – it was just a giant media conspiracy.

Breitbart has the coolest, and by coolest I mean deranged, story about it.

Sockman’s [sic] spokesman, Denny Ferguson, also sent Breitbart News a press release headlined “Stockman returns from official State Department tour, backs Israel, exposes media bias.”“You must be conservative when you’re meeting with the media and the media claim they can’t find you. Reporters knew of trip but claimed otherwise. We decided to hold out and see how long reporters would pretend they didn’t know I was on official business,” Stockman said, according to the release.

He claims he was in Russia but missed a meeting with Putin because of the whole, you know, Davos thing that nobody ever suspected would keep Putin busy. He also didn’t get to meet with Edward Snowden. Or Jennifer Lopez or General Francisco Franco. The Queen of England also denied his request because she was washing her hair that day. Okay, so I made up everything after Snowden but you also most believed it, didn’t you? That’s because he’s Steve Stockman.

Breitbart continues with this —

During the trip, the group had several close encounters with danger, Stockman said.

“Fun fact, Israel arrested [a] terrorist for trying to blow up our embassy while we were there,” Stockman said. “Don’t forget just days after we left Cairo, Egypt, five bombs went off,” he added.

Before he signed off to go to sleep, Stockman offered one final thought: “It’s becoming a dangerous world and the seeds the President unknowningly [sic] or not has sown are going to bear bitter fruit and kill many.”

So, apparently, I lost my bet that he was in rehab.

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