Because Jesus Gave You That Disease And You Should Be Thankful
November 2, 2015

Jesus Huckster Mike Huckabee think Jesus is in the pre-existing condition business, and we just don’t appreciate thatenough.

He explained his theory at the Value Voter’s Summit last month. He postulated that you can’t call and get homeowners insurance after your house burns down so little babies born with a severe disability should not get health insurance either. Too late, baby. If you wanted Mike’s help, you should have stayed a fetus.

And if you’re a 25-year-old with a congenital heart problem and no longer eligible on your parents’ health insurance policy, it’s time to head on down to the casket store. Mike does promise you a very nice Christian burial, though.

One other thing. Jesus specialized in pre-existing conditions. Jesus did not heal the well. He healed the lame, the blind, and even the dead.

Mike sells something that will cure you of diabetes, scabies, hammer toe, tennis elbow, dandruff, cancer, sunburn, and the heartbreak of left handedness. That should be enough for you.

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