September 14, 2016

The Daily Beast calls the Trump's newest 'International' Hotel in the nation's capital, 'Fancy, Expensive and Probably Doomed.' This sounds eerily familiar to every other Donald Trump enterprise: an ill-fated display of faux luxury, a garish representation of what Trump wants so desperately to be: classy. Too bad, Donny. You can't fake class, you exude too much garishness through every orange pore you have, and no claim of luxurious accommodations will compensate for all your 'shortcomings.'

If you want to attend the 2017 Inauguration (of Hillary Clinton) you can book the Presidential Suite for a five-day minimum for only $100,000 per night.

The bi-level Trump Townhouse, which boasts two bedrooms, an office, workout room and dining room that seats 24, is available for the week of the Presidential inauguration at a rate of $100,000 per night, with a five night minimum stay. But if you can't make it to D.C. in January, the regular rate for the two-bedroom townhouse is $18,750.

By some miracle, the hotel has opened two years ahead of schedule. The hotel's official video description brags about this 'accomplishment.'

We have worked tirelessly to meticulously restore one of the United States' most high profile landmarks and are incredibly proud to unveil the results of our efforts this September," says Ivanka Trump. "Under our agreement with the U.S. government's General Services Administration (GSA), the hotel was scheduled to be completed by August of 2018, but through our team's hard work and close collaboration with the GSA, we will now be opening almost two years ahead of schedule, which is unheard of for a project of this size and complexity.

In stark contrast, the soft opening was described this way by one of the invited press:

As press was ushered into the renovated building—passing the unironically titled “PRESIDENTIAL BALLROOM”—the smell of white paint was still thick, and contractors wearing hard hats were rushing about the lobby. The ground-level bar was mercifully open and serving Trump-brand sparkling wine, as the mounted TV screens played promos for Melissa Joan Hart’s Christian film God’s Not Dead 2. Every item of decor, from the turquoise and faux-gold armchairs to the candy dishes made out of fake dimes and nickels, was handpicked by Ivanka Trump with the help of design firm HBA. The overall aesthetic is somewhere between real, inoffensive luxury and a Red Roof Inn patron’s conception of what a stylish, upper-echelon hotel must be. Just like every other Trump hotel, it is, in its own way, a perfect metaphor for the man himself.

Even the celebrity appearance(s) at the opening were pathetic.

If you are as skeptical as this writer, take into account this unusual aspect of the bar at the hotel: You can purchase wine by the spoonful. The Washingtonian explains:

Trump International Hotel Director of Food & Beverage Daniel Mahdavian dons white gloves to pour wine by the spoon. He lays down a silver tray lined with a cloth napkin, followed by one-ounce crystal vessels. They are tiny—almost resembling the soup spoons you find in Chinese restaurants—but heavy.

The sips are one of the biggest splurges at the hotel lobby bar of Donald Trump‘s $200 million-plus spectacle, which opened yesterday in the Old Post Office building.

Naturally, like everything affiliated with this unorthodox candidate, the hotel's mere existence sparks protests. Each represented group has a legitimate gripe against the Cheeto-colored, wannabe-Fuhrer. Watch and see who Donny has upset with this venture.

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