March 7, 2017

Since Trump's 'triumphant' address to Congress, some may be concerned that Trump's lunacy has been shelved. Stephen Colbert noted that he gave a big boy speech and even had on 'long pants and everything,' so this sort of concern is understandable.

Don't be afraid that his timeshare in Crazytown may have been put on the market. There's no doubt that its most famous tenant is BAAAACK! Trump never fails to meet the lowest of expectations when it comes to his signature style of erratic and highly un-presidential conduct.

COLBERT: I watched the Sunday shows yesterday and alternated between weeping and vomiting, like someone made me chug Day-Quil and strapped me in a tilt-a-whirl, get into the industrial dryer and we'll throw in a couple of fluorescent tubes for you.

Trump's colossally embarrassing tweet, saying "Just found out that Obama had my wires 'tapped' in Trump Tower before the victory," was followed by another unhinged message:

COLBERT: Wait? You said this was McCarthyism! Now it's Nixon/Watergate? Pick your historical analogy! This is the Pearl Harbor of Hindenburg-Great Depression, D-Day-Finale of LOST!

His paranoid delusions were easily dispelled after we see a clip of former WH Press Secretary, Josh Earnest's statement. He said that this may come as a surprise to the current occupant of the Oval Office, but the POTUS doesn't have the authority to 'unilaterally order the wiretapping of an American Citizen.'

COLBERT: Oh really Josh? Well I'll have you know a lot of things come as a surprise to Donald Trump: The 1st Amendment, object permanence, the fact that Ben Carson isn't the guy from "Family Matters."

James Clapper, former DNI explained that there was no such wiretap activity mounted against the "president-elect" at the time, or as a candidate, or against his campaign.

If anything, we've been trying to think of ways we can hear Trump less. The NSA is working on some Trump-canceling earphones. Faced with these denials, Trump has not produced a shred of evidence.

So where'd did Trump get his info? From the CIA? From the FBI? Out of his

Apparently, right wing radio goon, Mark Levin planted a ridiculously paranoid seed in Trump's head, and it was republished by his sole authority of news credibility, Breitbart. The article said that Congress needs to investigate the Obama's silent coup versus Trump.

COLBERT: That's the worst kind of coup: silent, but deadly.

Trump was deeply infuriated by the recusing of AG Sessions, and Colbert noted that the only way his staff could calm him down was to discuss the details of the latest Muslim Travel Ban. Stephen offered his own news channel to help soothe the savagely paranoid narcissist-in-chief: "Real News Tonight."

Welcome to Real News Tonight. Our top story, incredibly true allegations about Barack Obama. Trump used his giant brain to figure out the fake president Obama illegally wiretapped the very famous Trump Tower, like a sick pervert. A loser move. That's right, in a scandal everyone is calling Watergate times a million, says it proves the crime was committed by Obama, a Muslim born in space.


The wiretaps didn't find anything incriminating, if you were worried. Trump is so, so good. Yeah, so very good. Next, Arnold Schwarzenegger has a very small penis.

This satire is actually more credible than the nonsense thrown our way constantly, from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Can you help us out?

For nearly 20 years we have been exposing Washington lies and untangling media deceit, but now Facebook is drowning us in an ocean of right wing lies. Please give a one-time or recurring donation, or buy a year's subscription for an ad-free experience. Thank you.


We welcome relevant, respectful comments. Any comments that are sexist or in any other way deemed hateful by our staff will be deleted and constitute grounds for a ban from posting on the site. Please refer to our Terms of Service for information on our posting policy.