This morning was sunny and bright as the news rolled in that Darrell Issa has decided to retire rather than face the music in a district determined to force him into retirement whether he likes it or not.
In his announcement, Issa promised to maintain a presence somewhere, like maybe Fox News or a failed run for the Senate. "While my service to California's 49th District will be coming to an end, I will continue advocating on behalf of the causes that are most important to me, advancing public policy where I believe I can make a true and lasting difference, and continuing the fight to make our incredible nation an even better place to call home."
The only disappointment about this announcement is that he didn't make it from the roof of his offices.
Yes, 9-term Republican flack and Benghazi flogger Darrell Issa is retiring before his challengers defeat him in the primary. It's so sad.
We don’t know which Democrat is going to replace Darrell Issa in California’s 49th. (It is not going to be Republican Diane Harkey.) Mike Levin, who is a longhaired hippie #resister who USED to be So Mr. Corporate You Couldn’t Fucking Believe It (we knew him, glancingly, in Orange County), had been making a right proper nuisance of himself at all Issa’s town halls until Issa stopped doing town halls. And Doug Applegate is a Marine colonel who almost beat Issa last time — Issa won by just 1600 votes, the narrowest race in Congress. And Sara Jacobs is pretty and young and worked at the UN and at State, which makes her a far left Hillary Lover Communist or something, according to the guy who will no longer have a job as Darrell Issa’s spokesman, quite soon!
That is all well and good, and Godspeed to the eventual winner, who will not be Darrell Issa, because he is a vicious cur who made even reasonably conservative San Diego hate him, by being a “cut-rate Javert.” Wait, that was not Darrell Issa, that was dickhole smegma-face Jason Chaffetz, who ALSO chaired the House Oversight Committee, and who ALSO investigated Benghazi so much, and who ALSO retired from Congress before his time, because it just wasn’t as much fun when you didn’t have Hillary Clinton to keep kicking around, although to our knowledge Jason Chaffetz neither committed grand theft auto nor burned down his own building for the insurance money and then went on to accuse OTHER people of being “corrupt.”
And there was the small matter of Issa meeting at midnight to plan the most appropriate timing for the rollout of his Benghazi "investigation" with right-wing operatives working under the oversight of the likes of Ginni Thomas, erstwhile spouse of the Right Honorable Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice.
That happened, too.
It's probably best that Darrell bail out now, while there are still some cable yakker slots and wingnut welfare positions out there he could apply for. It won't be too long before there's a rush for those jobs. He should forget about the Senate and replay the tape of his tearful yup-yups as he lost his bid to run for Governor in California back in 2003.
In the meantime, you should support Blue America candidate Doug Applegate, who nearly sent Issa home in 2016 and would have in 2018.
UPDATE: Click on the tweet below to read the whole thread on how Issa was "persuaded" to retire by the local Indivisible group, who showed up every single week in front of his office. This is how it's done.