March 4, 2018

Alec Baldwin got the last laugh once again after Trump attacked him on Twitter last week during SNL's Cold Open:

“In times like this, we look to our leaders for guidance,” says Cooper, played by Alex Moffat. “But instead, we’ll hear from Donald Trump.”

“I hear you and I care,” says “Trump,” referring to the Parkland school shooting and reading from his crib notes. “We have to take a hard look at mental health — which I have so much of. I have one of the healthiest mentals. My mentals are so high,” says Baldwin’s Trump.

He floats the idea of taking take guns away from everyone ... “even whites,” as Beck Bennett’s Mike Pence sobs next to him. (He’s flanked on the other side by Cecily Strong’s Dianne Feinstein.) But then “cha-ching” he changes his mind because the National Rifle Association “gave me 30 million good reasons not to change a thing.”

Still, “I can only run into so many schools and save everybody ... bing bing ding dong dang,” says “Trump.” But he then imagines running all the way to North Korea, confronting “Little Rocket Man,” and mopping up there.

He laments that he has to do “everything” because everyone is quitting on him — even Hope Hicks, who is like a daughter to him: “So smart, so hot.” Jared Kushner is “basically the hottest chick left in the place, but he’s probably going to jail soon.”

“I said I was going to run this country like a business; that business is a waffle house at 2 a.m.,” says Baldwin’s Trump. “Crazies everywhere, staff walking out in the middle of their shift, managers taking money out of the cash register to pay off the Russian mob.”

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