Mango Mussolini is happiest giving interviews to publications that never fact-check or challenge. Helloooooo, Daily Caller!
November 14, 2018

President Pouty-Pants is having a very bad, no-good week. In times like these, when even Fox News is joining CNN's lawsuit against his, and Fox's Judge Napolitano is on his favorite network insisting his installation of Matt Whitaker as Acting AG is unconstitutional, it can feel like he has nowhere to turn. His bedtime phone calls with Sean Hannity probably aren't even that much fun anymore.

So he retreated to his safe space, The Daily Caller, to vent his spleen. In an exclusive interview with that luminary of journalism, he imparted gigantic nuggets of...special insight, shall we call it? Particularly with regards to Florida's electoral process. Prepare ye, prepare ye, for pearls of unhinged brain droppings that poured forth from his anus-shaped spit-nozzle:

Trump went on to say they should have called Florida during the evening of the election. “Well, many votes were added to that, and you know what’s going on. And now they have mixed them up. They mixed the votes up and now you can’t find the ones that were put in, they just put ’em in to a batch.”

“The Republicans don’t win and that’s because of potentially illegal votes,” Trump complained. “When people get in line that have absolutely no right to vote and they go around in circles. Sometimes they go to their car, put on a different hat, put on a different shirt, come in and vote again. Nobody takes anything. It’s really a disgrace what’s going on.”

Twitter responds...O Twitter, how I love thee...

Other news made in this interview: apparently a box of Lucky Charms is more powerful than previously thought!

“If you buy a box of cereal — you have a voter ID,” Trump continued. “They try to shame everybody by calling them racist, or calling them something, anything they can think of, when you say you want voter ID. But voter ID is a very important thing.”

Now, because the interview was so in-depth and far-reaching, The Daily Caller had to write a whole second article about some of the sh!t The Great Trumpolini said. It focused exclusively on Antifa, which stands for Anti-fascists. You know - people who fight fascists. So, naturally, Tucker Carlson (who owns The Daily Caller) and Trumpolini hate them. The Caller asked trump, specifically, what tactics he thought law enforcement ought to employ against them. Our Dear Leader was mature and restrained, in addition to being especially articulate.

“These people, like the Antifa — they better hope that the opposition to Antifa decides not to mobilize. Because if they do, they’re much tougher. Much stronger. Potentially much more violent. And Antifa’s going to be in big trouble. But so far they haven’t done that and that’s a good thing,” he continued.
“[Antifa] better hope that the other side doesn’t mobilize,” Trump concluded, “Because if you look, the other side, it’s the military. It’s the police. It’s a lot of very strong, a lot of very tough people. Tougher than them. And smarter than them.”

“They’re sitting back and watching and they’re getting angrier and angrier,” Trump said of the Antifa opposition.

That's not a threat, is it Trumpy Bear? You're not siccing the police and the military on the people who show up to fight Nazis, are you? Let's see what Twitter thinks...

Looks like it. And as several smarties pointed out, he is casting himself, the police, and the military in the role of "opposition" to Antifa. That means...

Need we say more? Except, hurry up Mueller!

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