January 1, 2019

If you needed evidence that Fox News was not going to change much in 2019, they gave it to you in their New Year's Eve coverage last night.

"Kennedy" (does she have a last name? A first name? Is she Cher?) interviewed an astrologist. Not an astronomer, people, as in a scientist. THAT would have been news, because actual science people, astronomers at NASA were waiting for news that their spacecraft, New Horizons reached the farthest depths of space any has ever explored before...no, THAT would have been awesome coverage and an incredible way to bring in the new year.

No. "Kennedy" at Fox "News" interviewed an astrologist. Wanting to know what she thought the new year held for Donald Trump. Here's what Diana Brownstone predicted:

Well, he's actually also at the end of the 27 year cycle, which is his progressed Moon cycle, where he is letting go of a lot of the situations and relationships he's been in, and the degree of the zodiac with his new cycle starts. The exact degree tells us a lot about what his new cycle is about, and that degree is, two guardian angels watching over and protecting him.

Crooks and Liars' own Red Painter asked if he could please let go of his relationship with the White House and the presidency. Kennedy asked if the angels might be the two Mikes: Pence and Pompeo. "Are those the Guardian Angels?" We like Red Painter's question better.

Brownstone responded, "It could be but I think it could be them (the two Mikes) but it's also watching his own intuition. That's going to give him the strength to follow and know which way to go."

"Kennedy" snarked, "He does have a great sense of intuition, just ask him."

Here's his intuition.

Then she asked Brownstone what the stars predict for our great nation, because everyone knows Diana has the answers. Brownstone's answers were a little more somber for us. We're in for some economic "tightening," which she can TOTALLY tell from Jupiter's alignment and not at all from what the stock market and Trump's insane economic policies and instability portend. But don't worry. "Kennedy" will be okay. Just ask her.

"Sorry for you guys, this is a great year for me, but you guys will have to tighten."

So, there you have it. Fox "News" welcomes 2019 by having on an astrologer predicting great things for Donnie Dogsh*t, but crap for us. Donnie Dogsh*t tweets in all-caps. And Fox invites Alan Thicke's son to sing about how sexy date-rape is. Oh, you hadn't heard that part, yet? Yeah, to finish off the year of #MeToo, "Blurred Lines" was the celebratory song on the Fox Network. Observe my shocked face.

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