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Cranky Old Men Plan To Burn Nike Products They Never Owned

Memo to Lou Dobbs and Ed Rollins: In order to burn a Nike thing, you'd first have to own a Nike thing.

I've decided the segment Lou Dobbs hosts nearly every day with Ed Rollins or another one of his cadre of Disgruntled Ones is the reason why he has any audience at all. Dobbs invites every crabby old dude out there to sit down for a few, grab a Coors, and indulge in meaningless and generally racist complaints about everything and nothing.

Tuesday's bitch session included a segment on Colin Kaepernick, Nike, and the decision to yank the Betsy Ross shoes. Now, if you've been following the general trajectory of complaints about Kaepernick and Nike, you already know that a ritual shoe-burning has happened in 2018 and it came with a vow from Republicans that they would never, never, ever buy Nike products again.

However, that wouldn't suit the Cranky Old Men Bitching On TV.

"I'm sure that Nike does not care because I'm a fat old man," Rollins said, "But I will find every Nike piece of equipment i have and burn it this weekend."

Oh honey, you couldn't even last a year? That's pathetic.

"I will find a New Balance or someone that makes American products and is proud of the American flag," he went on.

I guess I should take this moment to point out that New Balance is quite honest about the fact that 70 percent of their shoe is made in the U.S.A. and the other 30 percent is made in China. So if you're good with that ratio, then sure. Go for the New Balance.

Rollins went on to snark that Kaepernick was a "third string at best quarterback in one minor season," before accusing Nike of playing to "their base."

Who could it be, who could it be? Because surely Nike's "base" is not fat old grouchy dudes complaining about the black guy who was frozen out of the NFL for taking a knee against racism.

It all ends with the two of them swearing they'll only buy American.

No one believes either one of these dudes owns a Nike product, right? This is just another chance for them to catch up on their grievance-laden hatred for anyone who isn't lily-white. Unspoken in Rollins' little rant? "I'm just an old fat white guy..."

That ends today's episode of Cranky Old Men Bitching On TV. Stay tuned for more tomorrow, when they discover AOC was right and they're wrong about whatever they're bitching about.

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