Oh Dear, Mike Pence Is Running For President
March 30, 2021

As the Associated Press finds an excuse to horserace 2024, already.

The last time we heard from walking termite buffet former VP Mike Pence he was ululating at the moon, er, narrating the Junkie Limbaugh documentary. Imagine our shock to learn that Mr. Somnambulant has ambitions to sniff inherit the throne!

WASHINGTON (AP) — When former President Donald Trump was asked to list those he considers the future leaders of the Republican Party, he quickly rattled off a list of names, including Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and Sens. Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz. Conspicuously absent from the list: Mike Pence.

The former vice president is steadily reentering public life as he eyes a potential run for the White House in 2024. He’s joining conservative organizations, writing op-eds, delivering speeches and launching an advocacy group that will focus on promoting the Trump administration’s accomplishments.

This ought to be interesting. It’s not just that Pence is one of the dullest and most boring theocrats alive, it’s that the GQP base actually tried to capture-and-kill him for, uh, reasons (disloyalty to Prznint Stupid, refusing to overthrow democracy for Hair Füror, etc.), and that Possum Hollar is a wholly-owned property of a certain NYC developer who plans to rehab it for one of his trash palaces. What road does Pence see to victory?

The GQP probably still has a bounty on his head (near the fly?) and someone looking for his place in Q-history to be told in song and story will try to 2nd Amendment him.

Republished with permission from Mock Paper Scissors.

Editor's Note (Frances Langum): We shouldn't have to say this, but yeah: C&L doesn't wish assassination on anyone, and certainly attempting to martyr Mike Pence is a very bad, very stupid idea.

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