March 17, 2022

Thank our white-haired, white-skinned, blue-eyed, muscle-laden GOD we have MEN to tell us little women with our teensy brains how to do our jobs! I mean, where EVER would we BE without you big, strong men to help us understand how things work in this big, complicated world???

For instance, take Pres. Joe Biden's Press Secretary, Jen Psaki! She sure needs help sometimes, doesn't she? How NICE of this MAN* to explain to her about scary things like "weapons" and "war!"

MAN: "Among those items, let me read them to you, 100 grenade launchers, 5,000 rifles, 1,000 pistols, 400 machine guns, and 400 shotguns. Are you saying those items are not offensive weapons?"

Now, he's giving her a LOT of help, trying to explain the difference between "offensive" and "defensive" weapons, isn't that sweet?

"They're weapons that help the Ukrainian people fight against an invasion by a foreign country," said Psaki, clearly trying to keep up.

"They can be used offensively, can they not?" coached kind, encouraging MAN (who, for some reason, has haircut of a 7th-grader. Or neo-Nazi. Take your pick.)

"Again, what I'm talking about are weapons that can be used to fight--" tried our Jen again, but how can we expect MAN to exercise patience in the wake of such refusal to bow down to his gregarious teachings???

MAN spoke sternly to Jen, "The answer's yes, I mean, although you don't want to say it, that answer to that question is yes. And so, obviously you're trying to make this distinction between offensive and defensive--"

And can you believe Ms. Psaki had the nerve to assert herself whilst being rebuked by MAN? I mean, what EVER is coming of civil society?

"Well, what we're talking about is, let me finish--" our reluctant and ungrateful student Psaki objected.

MAN, still willing to explain why Psaki's behavior towards MAN was out of line, "Well, let ME finish, because I'm making my point--"

"Let me finish my answer," Ms. Psaki said, daring to reclaim authority AGAIN! What is this, HER PRESS ROOM?

Finally, MAN said, "No, I was finishing a point, and then you can respond to my point." Thank the heavens above he finally told the President of the United States' Press Secretary how things really work in a press briefing. This MAN, of whom so many people asked, "Who the f*ck IS this jackass?" afterwards. You can just tell by the expressions on the two MEN reporters in front of him how very impressed they are by his many assertion of his powerful authority! Even WOMAN behind him is riveted!

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"Okay, go ahead." Good job, Jen. Let MAN speak.

MAN'S POINT: "You're making this distinction between offensive and defensive weapons. Anybody that looks at that list of weapons that I just mentioned, they would say, clearly they're offensive."

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Do go on!

MAN (cont'd): "If a Ukrainian military officer, or someone who is enlisted, has one of these weapons, they can take out a Russian military official of some sort with these weapons, they're offensive in nature, so why not provide more offensive weapons like this to the Ukrainian military?"

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Oh.

That was MAN'S point? So...is his point first that there is no such thing as a defensive weapon if it can be used to harm someone, even if that person is threatening your life? And if so, is the point that the Ukrainians should only have bouncy things, like trampolines and gym mats to repel and absorb the bullets and bombs Putin's army is shooting at their cities and civilians, as opposed to "offensive" weapons they can use to keep themselves from being killed and their cities from being blown up?

And after making that point that there is no such thing as a defensive weapon, is he mad that we aren't sending MORE not-defensive weapons to Ukraine?

Does MAN have the first f*cking clue what he's talking about? Maybe Jen Psaki knows after all.

"Well, first of all, we are providing a range of rifles, etc," she began, when MAN had decided it was her turn to speak. "There is a difference between a plane, and planes, and massive military systems, I think anybody would recognize this, and what we're talking about, which is giving rifles and pistols to, many of them farmers and people living in countrysides, to defend themselves. I think there's a difference that most people recognize."

Oooooh. So, if Putin were not invading, Ukraine wouldn't necessarily need all these weapons in such a dang hurry? If Trump hadn't extorted Ukraine's Pres. Zelenskyy by withholding key defensive systems (that Congress had already pledged to send) Russia might have thought twice about invading in the first place? Because defensive systems reduce the likelihood that an offense will succeed, dontchyaknow?

Sorry, Sparky. Everything — every goddamned thing we are sending Ukraine right now is defensive in nature.

As for the difference between an offensive and defensive weapon, what is it all the second amendment freaks love to declare? That shooting someone while you're (allegedly) afraid for your life is SELF-DEFENSE? That shooting a gun at someone you think might be breaking into your home is DEFENDING your CASTLE? I would like to know what kind of scorpion crawled into this moron's ear to eat his brains to the point where he is sitting in Jen Psaki's press shop, trying to insist that these weapons we're sending Zelenskyy while the entire Russian army is raining hellfire down on his land aren't defensive weapons.

*MAN = Jon Decker of Gray TV. Sorry, but I could only muscle past the gag reflex to type his name once. He deserves no more mention than that.

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