July 27, 2009

I think there should be an amendment to the old adage "There are only two things that are certain: death and taxes" to read "The only certainties in life are death, taxes and Sarah Palin will make a convoluted word salad in lieu of a lucid speech."

I admit, I can't get more than three or four minutes in to one of her speeches before my eyes glaze over because she uses so many words and takes so much time to say absolutely nothing at all. Poor CSpanJunkie did the hard work and recorded her "Goodbye, Cruel World" speech:

Part 2 is here.

Apparently, Alan Colmes has a better ability to sit through such bizarre ramblings than I do (no doubt the practice he got from years sitting next to Sean Hannity):

In her bizarre farewell speech as governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin fed red meat to the right-wing, invoking patriotism and the military in her first sentence. It was unclear to whom she was referring when she talked about those who are “tearing down our nation”, “American apologetics” and unmentioned forces “suggesting that our best days were yesterdays.” How can that be, she pleaded, when there are volunteers willing to fight for our freedoms.

Next it was on to criticizing the press, lecturing them that soldiers “are willing to die for you,” so “quit making things up!” And the new governor, Sean Parnell, has a nice family too, “so leave his kids alone!”

After what sounded like a campaign speech for re-election, it was time to defend gun rights, and warn that “You’re going to see anti-hunting, anti-Second Amendment circuses from Hollywood.” This will be done by using “delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets” who will “use Alaska as a fund raising tool for their anti-Second Amendment causes.” Luckily, “patriots will protect our individual guaranteed right to bear arms.” And “Hollywood needs to know we eat, therefore we hunt.”

Can you blame me for not be able to get through the speech? My buddy Jon Perr has come up with his own personal list of Palin's greatest hits, and that--in combination with her incredible popularity amongst the GOP-- makes me doubt Darwin.

Frankly, I wish that I could say this is the last we'll hear from Sarah Palin, but given how inexplicably popular Palin remains, I don't think we'll be so lucky.

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