And Here’s The Sound Of A Spoon Being Pounded On A High Chair Tray
Credit: St. Blaize
January 12, 2015

I want you kiddos to meet Cecil Bell Jr, a redneck good ole boy if ever there was one. The only problem is that he’s a redneck good ole boy elected to the state legislature.

Ole Cecil does not cotton to other people’s lifestyles. Cecil doesn’t like lifestyles. He doesn’t have one to speak of so yours is overly interesting to him.


Plus, he’s got that whole uglier than a mud fence thing going. Seriously, Cecil couldn’t even get laid at the Chicken Ranch with fifty dollars stapled to his forehead and a hen under each arm.

Bless his heart.

But what he lacks in beauty he more than makes up for in ignorance. Cecil is a graduate of Oakwood High School. He didn’t feel the need for further education because all they teach you is stuff like lifestyle. And arithmetic. Who needs arithmetic? Not Cecil.

In the Texas Legislature they call people who are too dumb to know giddy-up from whoa a special brand of people – they are called “furniture.” Cecil is a hat rack.So Cecil has filed a bill called “Preservation of Sovereignty and Marriage Act,” numbered HB 623, which is dangerously close to 666 and almost as evil.

This bill says —

State or local government employees giving out same-sex marriage licenses would stop receiving their salaries under a bill filed Wednesday for the 84th legislative session.


So, since the courts will say that same gender marriage is legal in Texas, Cecil has decided that a way around that is to punish lowly government workers. If they issue a marriage license to any folks other than one man and one woman, they will longer receive a salary, benefits or a pension. Cecil’s bill does not state for how long they won’t get paid but I suspect it goes along the lines of alpha to omega.Cecil believes that Texas is has sovereignty so we can pick and choose which federal laws we want to follow.

Now here’s where things get especially weird. What with all this talk about local control, you’d think that Governor Greg Abbott would have a cow before he suggests that the Government of Texas can overrule what local cities and school boards want to do. Well, Honey, you’d think wrong.

Governor Abbott says the State of Texas can overrule cities who have banned plastic bags. He says they can also overrule cities or counties who have outlawed fracking in theirgeographic boundaries.

Governor-Elect Greg Abbott criticized city bans this week and said reducing “regulatory burdens” would make Texas a better state.“The truth is Texas is being California-ized and you may not even be noticing it,” said Abbott as he spoke Thursday. “It’s being done at the city level with bag bans, fracking bans, tree cutting bans. We’re forming a patchwork quilt of bans and rules and regulations that is eroding the Texas model.”

He doesn’t have a solution for being 47th in education or poor children not getting health care, but bygawd if you have a plastic bag Greg Abbott will come protect it.

When boys like Abbott and Ole Cecil say they want local control, they mean Greg and Cecil Control. They want to control everything from foreign policy to garbage pickup to your hoochy koochy life to what President Obama can say and what your mayor does on Saturdays.

Every time you hear a Republican say local control, remember that local means them.And really bless Cecil’s heart. Just walking by him will make your clothes wrinkle.

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