June 4, 2015

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart opened his show with the latest version of Democalypse 2016, otherwise known as 19 and Counting, or the number of candidates in the presidential race.

Stewart started things off with the two latest hopefuls, "who don't get that the quiver is f**king full." First up was Lincoln Chafee, the Republican, turned Independent, turned Democrat, who announced his presidential candidacy from "the room your high school uses for small assemblies."

STEWART: Now the girls will go to Auditorium A to watch a video about fallopian tubes, while the boys will go to Auditorium B to hear Lincoln Chafee announce his campaign. Sorry boys. Okay Chafees, hit us with your Hillary-crushing vision for America.

Cue Lincoln Chafee saying it's time for America to switch to the metric system.

STEWART: You want to be our president, yet you don't know we don't give two sh*ts about other countries?

Next up was an announcement that did excite Jon Stewart, Rick Perry: Jon Stewart welcomes Rick Perry to GOP race, waits for ‘jar of mayonnaise’ Jeb Bush to announce:

“Omigawd omigawd omigawd,” Stewart exclaimed. “Perry is running for president. Wow, prayer really does work. Gimme more!”

Stewart then cut to a Perry campaign clip, with the candidate exhorting America to “Do right, and risk the consequences.”

“‘Risk the consequences,'” Stewart repeated while laughing. “Maybe the most accurate campaign slogan I’ve ever heard. ‘Hi, I’m Rick Perry, let’s see what happens.'”

Pointing out that viewers may remember Perry from 2012 “who couldn’t count up to three,” who ““oops’ed himself out of the 2012 race,” Stewart took a dig at Perry over his much remarked-upon “smart glasses.”

“Boom, Where’s he go? Nobody here but an egg-headed professor wearing glasses!” Stewart excitedly shouted.

Stewart wrapped things up with Jeb Bush, who has been out there violating campaign finance laws, pretending he's not running when it's been more than obvious for months on end now that he's gone well beyond what anyone would consider the exploratory stage of a presidential campaign, and Daily Show correspondent Jessica Williams complaining about having to follow the "jar of mayonnaise" on the campaign trail in Iowa.

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