February 18, 2016

Fearless homophobe Bryan Fischer is flummoxed about the fact that evangelical voters are floating over to Trump. But never fear, Bryan has an explanation for it all.


"You look at Donald Trump and there is something, to me, that is unnatural about his level of support," Fischer stated. "Something there that you cannot explain based on the world that we can see, based on natural causes, based on what is rational and logical and understandable. There is something that is beyond the world of nature that's going on there."

"We know that not every spirit that's out there in the unseen world is a friendly spirit," he continued. "There are spirits out there that mean us harm, that mean our country harm and politics, this power comes from God. Let's not forget that every bit of political power comes from God. Who is going to be interested in getting their hands on the levers of God's power? It's going to be Satan, he's going to be all over that, he's going to try to make sure that the man of his choosing has God's political power to exercise and we as believers need to have our eyes open to that possibility."

Nah, Bryan. Really, it's just that Donald Trump gabbles a lot about how their Social Security checks aren't going to get taken away and he's going to take care of the pesky black and brown people who are messing up the country. Also, a YUGE wall. YUGE.

By stepping on every other actual real candidate (for better or worse) in the field, Trump is signaling a win to those poor persecuted evangelical voters. He'll disappoint them, too. But for now, they smell a win.

Poor things. Maybe it really is Satan.

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