Read time: 2 minutes

Panicked Conservative 'Leaders' Send Open Letter To Reince Priebus

"No Helicopter Candidates" because they reeeally want Ted Cruz.
Panicked Conservative 'Leaders' Send Open Letter To Reince Priebus
Image from: BG / Composite

As associate editor of Crooks and Liars, I consider it my responsibility to gather news from all sources. That's why I subscribe to the email lists of a number of conservative publications and groups, so you don't have to.

The latest email from "Conservative HQ" is like Christmas in April for the schadenfreude set. Billed as an "Open Letter to Reince Priebus" and signed by such luminaries as Frank Gaffney, Ginni Thomas, and James Dobson, the letter warns the GOP chairman against the...

...serious dangers of selecting any nominee who has not been an active candidate in the more than 50 states and territorial primaries and caucuses which have allowed grassroots Republicans to cast their votes and express their will.

They're talking about anyone but Ted Cruz.

Yep, this is a Ted Cruz front group, letting Reince know that outside agitators in the form of a "helicopter candidate" not already on a primary ballot somewhere better not be the party's nominee.

Ted Cruz or Bust!

None of this would be worth mentioning were it not for the hilarious kicker at the end of the letter.

There is an enormous task ahead if the GOP is to bring together the many elements essential to unite not only in Cleveland but also in November....

Equally important will be an aggressive appeal to young voters and minority voters. We believe the GOP has the policies to successfully appeal to all these voters and should welcome them into the coalition.

After months of Trump and Cruz Hispanic-o-phobia, Islamophobia, anti-birth control and punishing women for abortions...

...not to mention, white supremacy rallies and the re-invocation of state's rights into the national conversation...

...minorities and young people are going to find GOP policies appealing? Okay, I think we all know who drunk-dialed that one in:

mrs_thomas_lolcat.jpg

The letter closes with some argle-bargle about how true conservatives must "end the reign of Barack Obama" as if he's a king without term limits. The truth is, they're really going to miss having their imaginary "Kenyan Usurper" to instill fear in the hearts (and extract dollars from the wallets) of their carefully curated email lists.


Comments

We welcome relevant, respectful comments. Any comments that are sexist or in any other way deemed hateful by our staff will be deleted and constitute grounds for a ban from posting on the site. Please refer to our Terms of Service (revised 3/17/2016) for information on our posting policy.