Funny, but serious. Like, extremely serious, okay?
From the amazing Sean Carter on Facebook. whom every single person (and married, poly, whatever folks, too) should please go and follow immediately if not sooner... lord, hear his prayer.
OPEN LETTER TO RBG’S CLERKS: You muthafuckas are slipping! How the hell did you let Baby Ruth get hurt on YOUR watch? Do you not understand that she is all that stands between us and the Handmaid’s Tale?
So let’s get this straight. You folks have ONE job from now until the Dems gain control of the Senate — keep Baby Ruth safe! Fuck writing opinions, reading pleadings, or doing legal research. Let Kagan’s clerks do that menial shit. You have a higher calling.
That means that when Justice Ginsburg needs something around the office, YOU get your asses up and get it. We can’t have her falling down and getting hurt looking for “that file that must be around here somewhere.”
In fact, from now on, the Blessed Bader should not be walking AT ALL. You will carry her around the Supreme Court building. You can do it Cleopatra-style or on piggyback or even wear her in one of those snuggly wrap things like suburban moms do with infants. We don’t care how, but what you not gone do is have our last hope for democracy breaking a hip on her way to the SCOTUS cafeteria.
And speaking of which, you will be delivering all of her meals to her from now on. Don’t even let us hear a rumor that our Beloved was standing in line somewhere holding a tray. And don’t just drop off her meal like a pizza delivery person. You stay with her while she eats it. And if she’s eating a steak or something, then YOU cut it up for her into tiny Tic Tac-sized bites. Better yet, you chew it first and feed it to her baby bird-style. Because I’ll be damned if I’m going back into the cotton fields because RBG choked to death eating a t-bone.
Clerks, I’m not bullshitting with you. If ANYTHING else happens to RBG on your watch, we will hold you personally responsible and in true liberal fashion, we will doxx and meme your asses for all of eternity.
The Rest of Us
Thank you, Mr. Carter. And let us all say, ooooooo-MEYN.