February 2, 2020

We're never going to get a guilty verdict out of Trump's gutless enablers in the United States Senate who continue to make excuses for ignoring all of his open criminality, so Saturday Night Live did it for us during their Cold Open segment last night: ‘Saturday Night Live’: Alec Baldwin Returns for ‘Judge Mathis’ Impeachment Court Sketch:

The Feb. 1 episode of the late-night sketch comedy show kicked off with “The Trial You Wish Had Happened,” a cold open sketch featuring Kenan Thompson as Judge Mathis (yes, TV’s Judge Mathis) taking over the proceedings from Mikey Day as Chief Justice John Roberts. This sketch also saw the return of Alec Baldwin as Trump, with a little bit of Harvey Weinstein mixed in: When he entered the courtroom, he was bent over a walker, as Weinstein has been every day he has arrived at court for his rape trial.

“This court needs a real judge who got some big brass ones under his skirt,” Thompson’s Mathis said, taking the bench with his own gavel.

Entering the courtroom next was Beck Bennett as Mitch McConnell who just wanted “to remind the American people that all men are innocent after proven guilty.”

Kate McKinnon took on the role of Lindsey Graham who stepped into the defendant’s box saying chances of getting re-elected “ain’t going to happen unless I kiss Mr. Trump’s grits and tickle his biscuits, and that’s why I do declare that Mr. Trump is innocent.”

In this trial, witnesses were called “because that’s how a damn trial works,” Thompson’s Mathis said. First up in that regard was Cecily Strong as former security advisor John Bolton.

“The things I saw President Trump do and say made me deeply worried about the future of democracy,” Strong’s Bolton said.

When asked why he was only admitting that now, the response was “because I’m a messy bitch who loves drama,” which excited the judge. But Strong’s Bolton wasn’t about to offer any more “free spoilers” when he had a book to sell. “It’s called ‘Harry Potter and the Room Where It Happened,'” he said.

Bennett’s McConnell objected to Bolton as a witness without also calling Hunter Biden. [...]

When Baldwin’s Trump entered, he addressed the judge by saying he was a “very sick old man” who could “barely get around the house,” so how could he withhold aid from Ukraine?

“President Trump, are you trying to Weinstein me right now?” Thompson’s Mathis asked point-blank.

“In what sense? Because Harvey and I overlap in a few areas,” he responded.

His real defense, though, was that “I’m guilty, but it ain’t no thing.”

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