February 13, 2022

Jim Acosta flushed Trump down the clogged toilet, mocking him for all the times he whined about toilet flushing, insisted Hillary get "locked up" for getting rid of classified docs, and whining about Nancy Pelosi ripping up his SOTU speech.

Someone call the whambulance for poor Donnie.

Starting with the obligatory puns, Acosta dove right in: "You could say there were plenty of warning signs that Trump would take this country down the tubes. No, I'm not talking about the portable toilets brought in for the 2017 inauguration of Donald John Trump. You may remember the name of the company that provided the Port-A- Potties, Don's Johns, was concealed by inaugural officials. And I'm not referring to the time Trump was caught on camera with what appeared to be a scrap of paper hanging on his shoe. No, I think it was his fixation on government regulations on toilets."

Then, linking it to the newest reporting from Maggie Haberman (or as Trump calls her now, Maggot Haberman): "Yes, it's all starting to add up...She writes that Trump would repeatedly tear up sensitive White House documents and attempt to flush them down the toilet. White House engineers reportedly found wads of paper clogging the system. I know what you're thinking. The jokes write themselves. Did they find the Constitution or is his long-awaited health care plan jamming up the pipes? It's as if they were frantically searching for Hillary Clinton's emails."

Remember the random times where Trump would rant about document destruction, Hillary, and Nancy Pelosi? A montage was played...Acosta reminded everyone that the National Archives are on a HUNT for missing documents. Anyone who knows archivists knows that you do not cross them. They take their jobs VERY seriously.

Acosta reports that "a source says the National Archives is now seeking a Justice Department investigation into whether Trump violated the Presidential Records Act, which requires all records created by presidents be turned over to the Archives at the end of their administrations. According to the New York Times, officials at the Archives believe Trump may have taken classified material with him when he left the White House. The Washington Post has also reported that some documents marked 'top secret' have turned up at Mar-a-Lago."

Referencing the Olympics, Acosta decided to give medals to the major GOP and Qanon athletes: "If document preservation hypocrisy were an Olympic sport, Trump would easily take home the gold...Like Kevin McCarthy speedskating past questions about the RNC labeling January 6th legitimate political discourse. Then there's the Tonya Harding of the House GOP, Marjorie Taylor Greene, who discovered a fly in her canned talking points after it was too late...Perhaps Ted Cruz can compete. Yes. Cancun is probably too warm for the Olympic, unless there's a tequila luge, which case, count me in."

Punster to the end, Acosta said: "This is what happens when you allow someone like Trump to clog the pipes of American democracy. Now that the GOP has failed to root out the problem, it's up to the American people to flush as many times as possible. Go, Team USA."

Someone subpoena the plumber!

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