Oh, how cute, and this totally doesn’t reek of guilt. Donald J. Trump is out here playing Santa Claus with the presidential pardon power, promising a preemptive blanket pardon for anyone who wanders within 200 feet of the Oval Office (radius subject to expansion, naturally).
Because nothing says “rule of law” like telling your staff, “Don’t worry about all those pesky future investigations or prosecutions—just, meh, do whatever, I’ve got the get-out-of-jail-free cards ready for bulk purchase.”
According to the Wall Street Journal, and expect Trump to rage about the outlet tomorrow, Trump is reportedly promising pardons to a broad swath of his aides as a way of shielding them from consequences for any potentially illegal acts committed while he's at the helm.
He’s even joking about holding a big press conference to announce the group hug of clemency. Fucking adorable from the 'Law and Order' president. It’s almost as if he learned absolutely nothing from leaving office the first time without covering his people, and now he’s determined not to make the same “mistake” again.
“I’ll pardon everyone who has come within 200 feet of the Oval,” Trump said in a recent meeting to laughs, according to the outlet, because that's so fucking haha funny, you know? "Another person who met with Trump earlier this year said the president quipped about pardoning anyone who had come within 10 feet," the WSJ reports.
Nothing suspicious about the timing, of course. Aides are apparently terrified Democrats might take the House and start asking rude questions about the Justice Department, Homeland Security, or the pardon factory itself. So the solution is simple: pardon everyone in advance.
What could possibly go wrong when the boss is openly telling officials they can go full throttle on the agenda because he’ll wipe the slate clean later? It’s not like that might encourage a tiny bit of enthusiasm. The best part? His press secretary insists the Wall Street Journal needs to “learn to take a joke,” while reminding everyone the pardon power is absolute. Sure. It’s all just hilarious banter. Move along, folks—nothing to see here except one of the most sweeping, preemptive self-insurance policies in modern presidential history.
