Jesus General Letter From C&L

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I've been asked to reprint a few guest blogs I did and will continue to do for The General

Dear Dr. Dobson,

I was very troubled by the recent actions of the St. Petersburg, Florida police the other day when they hauled off that 5-year-old girl away in handcuffs.

I thought they acted in a clearly puritanical manner. However, after receiving your book " Temper Your Child's Tantrums " from my Opus Dei recruiter, I realized that she was acting out in obviously the state you so beautifully described in the chapter called " Challenge the Chief."

Normally I'm all for a little corporal mortification. A day is not complete until I take off my Cilice, and rake my back with a cat-o nine tails for a few hours to cleanse myself of the sins of this unholy world and get right with the Lord if you know what I mean.(wink,wink) However, I wasn't all that much in favor of flogging our children to make sure they keep their pie holes shut.

After reading the blissfully written passage where you say, "corporal punishment is an act of love on our children" I was really impressed. So impressed that I now feel that the police didn't go far enough with this little out of control, activist judge err…girl. I have written the school board, the principal and the PTA demanding that they take her out to the school yard and hang her up by the thumbs from the monkey bars until she realizes what she has done was wrong. Then I have suggested that we should set aside a little time each day so we can administer a "spank-a –thon" to our kids so that they... and if I might use that great South Park Conservative Eric Cartman's words" Respect my authority"

The sooner we get these little bastards in line the better.

Heterosexually yours,

Crooks and Liars


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