Last Week Tonight's John Oliver in anticipation of the Hobby Lobby ruling from SCOTUS gave a list of suggestions on how corporations can be more like people if that's what they truly want.
June 30, 2014

On Sunday night, ahead of this Monday's ruling by the Supreme Court, where they once again decided that corporations are "people" Last Week Tonight's John Oliver had a list with some other suggestions on what other ways we can make them more like the rest of us as well.

OLIVER: If you really want to be treated like a person corporations, then guess what? Paying for things you don't like is what it feels like to be one. In fact, if corporations want to be people, they should have to take the rough with the smooth. For a start, companies should only get to have the average life span of a person, 79 years. 75 if they're based in Mississippi.

And female companies, you only get to make 83 cents on the dollar, Sorry Wendy's. I guess it's just that Burger King must have worked harder. And that's just the big stuff. There's also the little annoyances of being human, so Mr. Peanut, I hope you enjoy attending your friends' shitty improv shows.

And Starbucks, get ready to have your name spelled Starburst on your coffee cup. And for GM, who admitted some responsibility for a minimum of 13 people, I've got some bad news for you. People who do that generally don't get off with a fucking fine.

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