March 31, 2017

One of our greatest sources for news and laughter, Stephen Colbert, is the gold standard of comedy, satire that parallel's America's Trump-reality. In this sketch, he plays both interviewer and a deep-voiced 'mystery' source who has access to this leaky sieve on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

COLBERT: What's the mood in the White House these days?

SOURCE: Panic. Complete panic! The staff is scared for their jobs.

COLBERT: Are they really scared they're going to lose them?

SOURCE: No, they're scared they're going to keep them.

The insanely unethical and unorthodox conduct of The House Intel Committee's chair, Devin Nunes is certainly warranted. Stephen doesn't exactly hold back either.

COLBERT: Devin Nunes claims to have a secret source in the White House, who The New York Times caims to have revealed. Are they right?

SOURCE: No Stephen. Devin Nunes' secret source is Devin Nunes.

COLBERT: Wait? You're saying he got this information from himself? Does he have two personalities?

SOURCE: No. I'm not sure he has one personality.

But he does sneak off to secure locations, and then, when he's alone, he draws lipstick on his hand and interrogates it.

The conversation devolves into how Nunes acquires his intel, more specifically, he pulls it from his posterior. The source also remarks on the 'Eyes Wide Shut' parties that go on in the White House. He admits that Steve Bannon looks better 'in a mask, and wearing pants, because there are some things you cannot unsee.'

Stephen inquires about Trump and Melania's marital problems and the source reveals that the problem is that 'they are married to each other.' However it helps to maintain 'separate bedrooms if you live in separate cities.'

They joke about Trump taking responsibility for the failure of the AHCA, and admit that of course, he still blames Paul Ryan.

Roughly two weeks ago, Trump mentioned that 'we could expect some very interesting information coming to the forefront,' and he asks his 'source' what that might be.

SOURCE: He swallowed his keys and they'll be coming to the forefront soon. He ate a lot of oat bran today.

Naturally, the joke comes full circle as it appears that Trump and Nunes are both pulling things straight from their rears. This is where you get those alternative facts.

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