'Everyone Knows There Was No Collusion,' Insists Man Who Colluded

The press talked to Trump briefly this morning before he left for a ceremony at the FBI Academy. He seemed a little... nervous as he rambled about how he absolutely, nope, never colluded with Russians, never talked on the phone to them, it was all a Democratic hoax!

"Let's put it this way. There is absolutely no collusion. That has been proven," he insisted.

"When you look at the committees, whether it's the senate or the house, everybody -- my worst enemies, they walk out, they say, there is no collusion but we'll continue to look. They're spending millions and millions of dollars. There is absolutely no collusion. I didn't make a phone call to Russia. I have nothing to do with Russia. Everybody knows it.

"That was a Democrat hoax. It was an excuse for losing the election. And it should have never been this way where they spent all this millions of dollars. Even the Democrats admit there's no collusion. There is no collusion."

Then he began to ramble. The real criminal is Hillary!

"We've got to get back to running a country. What we have found and what they have found after looking at this, really, scam, they found tremendous -- whatever you want to call it. you're going to have to make up your own determination. But they found tremendous things on the other side. When you look at the Hillary Clinton investigation, it was, you know, I've been saying it for a long time.

"That was a rigged system, folks, that was a rigged system. When you look at what they did with respect to the Hillary Clinton investigation, it was rigged. And there's never been anything like it in this country that we've ever found."


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