Hey 911? There's A President On My Phone!
September 17, 2018

So … FEMA has decided that what this country really needs is a Presidential Alert dohicky on your phone so that the president can text everydamnbody in the USA in case there’s any emergency.

Oh, that’s probably not a good idea.

What if Twitter goes down for 15 minutes and the president needs to say something about Robert Mueller’s illegal witch hunt and 17 angry Democrats?

Here’s the deal. This access to my phone and the message is decided by the president and president alone.

Remember when President Obama wanted to speak to the school children of America over the television system and Republicans went nuts and kept their children home from school because they didn’t want their children exposed to Barack Obama? Now, imagine if President Obama had asked for something like this.

You know what? I’d feel a lot more comfortable if we gave this emergency system to Bill Nye the Science Guy, or Neil deGrasse Tyson, or maybe any person who isn’t batcrap crazy.

Thursday at 2:18pm ET. Be there or be … I dunno, whatever you are when you are totally dumbfounded.

Editor's note: The system itself is part of the Wireless Emergency Alerts system approved and adopted in 2007 . The problem isn't the system; it's the guy in the White House with access to the system. - Karoli

UPDATE: Due to the backlash to their regularly scheduled test, FEMA has pushed back the test to October 3rd.


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