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Don't Worry, Kids! Trump Promises ISIS Will Be Gone By Tonight

Trump brought out a ridiculous map he held up for 15 seconds to attempt to prove the highly dubious claim that he has completely eradicated ISIS during his presidency.

Really, it's just so hard to come up with the words, anymore.

Okay. Today, before Trump went to Ohio to screw up the auto industry some more, he stopped to bestow some verbal cow droppings at the feet of the reporters who have surely lost any sense of hope at this point. In one of those long, painful minutes of his oratory, he answered a question about the troops drawdown in Syria, which had come into question recently.

The plan (which, by the way, prompted the quick exit of Defense Secretary, James Mattis in protest) was to leave only 400 troops in Syria, down from 2,000. On Sunday, the Wall Street Journal reported the plan was not happening, and Trump was refuting that, saying it was. "In Syria, we're leaving 200 people there, and 200 people in another place in Syria closer Israel, for a period of time," he phlegmed. Oh, the poetry.

Then, defending that plan, he opened up a paper that had two maps on it, unreadable, impossible to see, but for the fact that they were stacked vertically and the top one had what looked like a big red crayon squiggly drawn by a 3-year-old. THIS, he proclaimed, THIS was ISIS at the beginning of his presidency.

The bottom map, he declared proudly, was ISIS now. "There is no red. In fact, there's actually a tiny spot which will be gone by tonight."

(*Insert periodic plea to allow me to use GIFs in my posts)

Yes, that's right. ISIS has been completely eradicated, according to only him, and we are supposed to buy this because he held up a "map" verifiable by exactly NOBODY.

Well, you sensient ziploc bag of orange radioactive jello, here's the map *I* just printed out all by myself. With my own hands. The top one shows you now, and the bottom one shows you as a tiny dot where you will be once YOU are totally eradicated. Totally gone. In some New York Federal prison. Hopefully, by tonight.

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