April 19, 2019

On Thursday's Late Night with Stephen Colbert, Stephen returned us firmly to Planet A. “If you just returned to this dimension from the Phantom Zone, I want you to know that today the Mueller report was released.”

“You know how for a couple years now you’ve been thinking, ‘There’s probably bad stuff in the Mueller report that makes Donald Trump look terrible,’ but then something like three weeks ago Attorney General Bill Barr put out his four-page valentine to Donald Trump, and then you thought, ‘Maybe I’m crazy?’ I’m here to tell you, you’re not crazy.”

Colbert reacted to the report's release on CD-ROM. “I’m disappointed. Everyone knows obstruction sounds more authentic on vinyl.”

Colbert also reacted to Trump's response to the Special Counsel appointment, when Trump made the now infamous comment, "This is the end of my presidency. I’m fu*ed.”

“I’m guessing that’s not how an innocent person reacts,” said Colbert.

Colbert then imagined the comment happening to a married couple: “'Honey, it’s late, where have you been?' ‘Oh my God, this is terrible. This is the end of our marriage. I’m f-----.’”

Colbert also responded to this Trump tweet:

“That picture, by the way, is Trump posing next to all the smoke that William Barr just blew up his ass.”

Open thread below...

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