Ready To Testify, Jared? Bring Your Security Clearance Forms
October 30, 2019

Comrade Trump’s Fratsputin, Jared Kushner the Slumlord Prince of New Jersey, took some time off from his BFF Crown Prince Bone Saw’s Burned Meats BBQ Party, er, Davos in the Desert, to talk to Axios:

President Trump’s senior adviser Jared Kushner told me during an exclusive interview with Israel’s Channel 13 News that many of his efforts since he started working at the White House were focused on “cleaning up the messes that Vice President Biden left behind.”

Now, it is true that The Untalented Mr. Ripley is in nepotism exhibit A (along with the First Shady, Ivanka) and as Joe Biden put it, is “improper” for The Russian Usurper to have appointed Jar-Jar Vonka to anything. It is also true that Criminal Justice Reform enacted earlier this year — as bipartisan legislation, I might add — largely fixed some of the terrible triangulating Clintonian ’90s legislation that has Joe’s fingerprints all over it.

Axios, again:

  • Kushner said that Biden is entitled to his opinion, but stated that Trump is entitled to pick his team. He added that he and Ivanka “worked with [Trump] for a long time, and I think we have done a good job of trying to help him being successful.”

Ivanka even took time off, once, from posting on Instagram picture of herself in serene white spaces, to, um, do something. That went well. Very successful.

I don’t know how to grade Jar-Jar’s work on Criminal Justice Reform, so let’s look at his other legacy/assignment set thus far:

  • the Middle East peace plan
  • immigration reform
  • the opioid crisis (with Bullshit Barbie, I think?)
  • making government run like a bidness

Stunning successes, each and every one, amirite?!

Kushner also criticized Biden for helping to negotiate the TPP trade deal, which Trump withdrew from, and for U.S. policy in the Middle East during his vice presidency.

  • “We inherited an ISIS caliphate, Iran was strong, Libya was a mess and a lot of our allies felt abandoned. We worked very hard over the last three years to try and rebuild the Middle East and to put it in a much more stable framing.”

If our allies felt abandoned then, imagine what they feel like when Trump gets through with it:

Well I’m assured that with Jared’s magic touch success in the middle east is only a scaramucci or two away.

But even before he got to D.C., let’s not forget that Jar-Jar had a stunning string of successes. Charmed life that boy leads.

Republished with permission from Mock Paper Scissors

EDITOR'S NOTE (Frances Langum):

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