December 18, 2019

Oh my good god in heaven, open the gates because Abraham Lincoln just rose from the dead, found the ghost of John Wilkes Booth, handed him a gun, asked to be re-assassinated and died again.

Witness this absolute punk-ass moron, Mark Simone, (appearing on Lou Dobbs' "show") compare the unhinged six-page rage-tweet Trump wrote to Nancy Pelosi yesterday to Abraham Lincoln's tender, concise, lyrical, transcendent Gettysburg Address.

SIMONE: Everybody should go read that letter, it is a masterpiece. It's a Gettysburg Address of smear job, false accusations, what a response. It's a historical document.

Oh, it's historical, alright. Historical in the future annals of psychiatric case study, and analysis of despots.

First of all, what does that sentence even mean? Is Simone saying Trump's letter is a smear job, with false accusations in it? If so, like, well-done for speaking truth to your fellow nut-jobs on Fox Business, but I think you buried the lede there with all that "masterpiece" and "historical document" talk.

Secondly, I mean, how, HOW does Trump's delusional, narcissistic, rhetorical napalm get compared to Abraham Lincoln's majestic, yet heartfelt 272-word literary homage to dead soldiers? HOW, I ASK YOU?

On Lou Dobbs' show. That's how. On Fox Business Network, that's where. In that world. On Earth 2.

Thirdly, let us for a moment, imagine what the Gettysburg Address would have sounded like if it had been entrusted to Trump.

Four score and seven mistresses ago, my dad made me a millionaire and kept on bailing me out, until I kept repeating the lie that I was a billionaire and people believed me.

Now, we are engaged in a great witch hunt, even though the phone call was perfect, everyone says so, read the transcript, and even the Salem witches got a smarter lawyer than I did, but what are ya gonna do? Rudy was available and he worked for free. I have come to dedicate a portion of all of the lives of the people I've pretended not to know to completely exonerating myself and throwing them under the bus. It is altogether very tremendous and fantastic that I should do this.

But in a larger sense, I cannot dedicate my own life to accepting anything that makes me look like a d*ck. I must dedicate it to grabbing women's pu**ies, and begging Putin to grab mine. Who's gonna remember what I say or do, here? Everyone comes up to me and says, "Sir! The call was perfect, sir! Yovanovitch was bad news, Sir!" "Sir! Yours was the greatest Electoral College victory ever, Sir!" "Sir, look at those massive hands, Sir!" It is for YOU to be dedicated to lying about my golf score and pretending my crimes were nothing compared to Obama's and Hillary's! Also, don't forget that Nazis just want white supremacy like all the rest of my voters, so give 'em a break.

Lemme close by saying that government by the whities, of the poors and darker-than-whites (I'm being nice, right?), for the whities shall not perish from the earth.

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