April 29, 2009

Monitoring Fox News can take a terrible toll on one's mind. One of the coping mechanisms I've developed is just to think of these as reconnaissance missions to Planet Wingnuttia, which is an entirely different planet in an entirely different dimension than ours.

Fox is just relaying transmissions from this planet, and people who watch it believing they're seeing news from here on dear ole Planet Earth get terribly confused, even deluded. So it's important to monitor these transmissions and help keep the confusion down.

Take last night Sean Hannity program, for example. If you managed to watch the whole hour last night without suffering catatonia-inducing brain damage, then here's what you would have learned is happening on Planet Wingnuttia, where all the raging (and we do mean raging) talk is about Arlen Specter's defection (that lowlife scum, seems to be the reigning opinion):

-- Hannity informs us that Specter is wrong about the GOP moving farther to the right -- "if anything, the Republican Party has moved to the left in recent years."

-- Hannity and Newt Gingrich think the only thing Republicans need to get back in the electoral game is another "Contract On America." Now there's some fresh, original thinking.

-- Obama is "so radically left," Hannity avers, that he has created an "opportunity" for Republicans.

-- Indeed, Obama will be the "biggest asset" for Republicans in coming elections.

-- We're celebrating "the first 100 days of America going down the drain."

The only feasible, rational explanation for this is that these are transmissions from an alternative universe. One that closely resembles Planet Bizarro:

Bizarro Trapped_56063.jpg

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